Therapeutic Ramblings.

So, things have been going very well for me. I finished a short story and I've mailed it off--regardless of whether it's accepted, that is something that I very rarely do and I'm proud that I've accomplished my goal. I have another story I need to edit, but I've got the itch to be creative, so I'm trying to write another short story first. I've got an idea, but it's a bit difficult to pull off so far. I had a bit of luck yesterday--if I didn't break through my writer's block, I at least shoved it a few yards away from me.

Besides writing, though, things have been going very well for me. Last semester was an exercise in torture, depression, endurance, and...just...bad things. I was still recovering from car accident, I probably should have taken a semester off, but I didn't want to fall behind--I wanted to make sure I could graduate on time so that I could take care of Darling Dearest. Because of my decision, I was basically taking two semesters at once. I took all 3 of my major education classes in the same go, so I was loaded down with a full schedule, PLUS make up work from the previous semester, PLUS another extra 20 hours of teacher observations due by the end of the semester. It was...hard, to say the least.

After all of that work, I still only failed one class. I have never failed a class. This was a devastating blow to me.

This semester, however, I am doing much better. I'm re-taking the class I failed, and with my other classes, I owed 1 more extra credit hour. I worried about that one hour--I was afraid I'd have to stay an extra semester and graduate late and become what they jokingly call a "super senior" (a senior who has stayed an extra semester or year--which apparently happens A LOT here). It was nothing to worry about, though. I checked with my adviser, and I am now working on our university's literary journal. WHOO! This is fantastic because 1) it's work I really love, and 2) it's exactly 1 hour--just what I need.

Financially, despite a rough summer where I worked at a fast food restaurant, burned my hand, burned my eye lid, and had to buy expensive new shoes that worked no better than the ones I had, we are now much better off. I lost my scholarship (because of the 1 failed class...ever...) but I got enough other financial aid to not only take care of my debts, but also give me much much money in a refund.

With all of that said, I'm still worried. Things have been going to so well, but I still have to take a few tests that will qualify me to get my license to teach. This worries me because the one that's vital for my internship next semester is my content knowledge. If it were English--writing and grammar, I wouldn't be too worried, but it also includes literature. Since the English literary world is thousands of years old, I'm starting to panic. I've already read Catcher in the Rye, so now I'm going through and reading/rereading classics that I don't feel I read well enough for my exams. Jane Austen, I'm about to get to know you very well. Mark Twain, we're gonna become chums. F. Scott Fitzgerald, you and I will boogie our way through the Jazz Age, and I better get my hands on some William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, and John Steinbeck soon, too, I guess. I'm also gonna read Dracula, possibly the Invisible Man, and Lord of the Flies. So...much...reading.

Of course, this is my panic state. Probably an over-reaction, but I feel so vitally unprepared for what I'm about to undertake. I'll probably calm down in a few days/weeks, but then I have another heap of problems and that's where I'll be living when I become a teacher. Originally, the plan was to stay here where my wife could continue her education, but we're thinking of transferring to a slightly bigger town/metropolis area where one of my best friends lives. I'd LOVE to move there, but I'm nervous I won't get hired, and where I get hired dictates where I'll live, and where I live has to be decided before school restarts in the fall and AND AND--

*sigh* Deep breath, dude. We can do this.

Right...so...that's where I stand right now. This is mostly just therapeutic ramblings on my part. I'm sure (read, I hope) I'll figure everything out and everything will turn out okay.

Okay...I better sign off before I make this any longer. Cheerio!

Goal

Before I do anything else, I just wanted to let you guys know how Darling Dearest is doing. She's doing great. She's been moved to Stage II rehab, and she's making a fast and amazing recovery. We're hoping she'll be out by early April...but it might take a little bit longer. Even though she's able to walk with a walker with amazing accuracy, they only just let her do it full time, and she still has to have someone watching her inside and touching her outside. She feels that a bit unnecessary, and since I've taken her out a few weekends, I would agree to a certain extent.

Okay, so update over, onto the original reason for me writing this:

Tomorrow is the first day of spring break. (I always count Friday evenings. Why wouldn't you? that's quality time to stay up late and not worry about class...as opposed to normal weekdays were I stay up late and not worry about class...) So what does the first day of Spring Break mean? Well for one thing, I get to see Darling Dearest, for another thing, I get a chance to hopefully wipe out the remaining make up work for my classes last semester, but also it's a chance for me to relax away from the pressures of class and the demands of teacher liscenship.

I've got big plans for this week. As I've already stated, I'm going to wipe out my make up work. I also plan to sleep and read a lot. And write. Yes. Write. Something that has been eaten by the pressures of reassembling my life after my accident. I want to use this week to finish a short story. I want to have a short story done, edited, and ready for mailing off when I get back to school. Will it get accepted--probably not. It'll probably suck. But I want to use this prime opportunity to WRITE.

Wish me luck.

On a side note, wish me luck on finding an apartment as well. Darling Dearest and I are looking for one for when she gets out of rehab. Fingers crossed.

News, Good and Random

French the llama, is it only 4 (almost only 3) days until Christmas!!!??!!!??!?!?!

(For an explanation about the "french the llama" thing, visit this video. It's nothing bad, I promise.)

Okay, so, some good news.

Darling Dearest is doing great. She's gained significant movement back in her left side since last I saw her. She has a slight case of "word salad", which, in case you don't know, means that sometimes she gets the words she means confused with a different word. However, it's much better than it was when she first woke up.

On the down side, she's very, very angry, but that's also understandable. She hates relying on other people, so I totally expected her to be pissed off at the nurses and such when she can't do what she wants.

They're going to start physical therapy with her soon, and she'll probably really like that. She's been trying to crawl out of the bed for a while anyway.

I'm doing good, myself. I've upgraded from crutches to a walker, and hopefully I'll be upgraded to a cane before I head back to college. It'll be hard to get to room on the second floor with a walker.

My Christmas shopping is done, I believe. I just got the last thing today. It's a great present for my mom.

Also, I've been very interested at cryptograms. They're very interesting and fun...but I'm rubbish at them. So...hopefully I'll improve. Also, I'm trying my hand at crossword puzzles. I'm rubbish at those too.

I've found myself not writing like I should be. I'll want to, I'll get on the computer...and then start surfing the net instead. I've been trying to make myself. Gotta get that discipline ready for next year.

I participated in an amazingly awesome project a few days ago. John Green, YA author of Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, and Paper Towns, is also known for his video-blog project The Vlogbrothers, which he does with his environmentalist/musician brother Hank Green. They're both very funny, and both promote ideals that I hold very dear myself, including green technology, reducing your carbon footprint, and promoting to charities.

Every year the brothers Green head up a project -- which they have dubbed the Project for Awesome. It's a great project where all of their viewers (dubbed "nerdfighters") get together to take over YouTube. You make a video promoting a charity that you really like. Then everyone spams the crap out of the comment sections, rates the videos, and favorites them, so that most popular, most discussed, and most viewed pages are all Project for Awesome videos. This is meant to raise awareness about charities to the average YouTube viewer, instead of them watching videos about water-skiing squirrels.

I participated in it--a 48 hour event--and I am proud to say that not only were all but two of the videos on the most discussed page Project for Awesome videos, but on Twitter, Project for Awesome trended above everything, including the movie Avatar, which made it's debut during the project for Awesome. John Green's goal was to trump Avatar, because it cost $250,000,000 to make, and, as John said, the Project for Awesome is free.

Anyway, so that's what I did with my weekend. It was fantastic. I was very proud to do it. John also auctioned off a pair of what he called his "nerd glasses"--the proceeds went to charity. In addition he's donating $1000 to his favorite charity from the list.

On a tiny sidenote, should you want to help with a charity, but have no money to do so, go to freerice.com. There's a vocab quiz there, and for every question you get right, they donate rice to starving nations. Totally free, and totally helpful in "decreasing world-suck," as the Brothers Green put it.

Anyway, that's all I've got for right now. Tomorrow my brother will be putting up Christmas lights and our tree. I'll be there for moral support mostly. And then we're going to see Darling Dearest before coming back for Christmas Eve with mi familia. Then it's back up to the hospital the next day to spend Christmas with Darling Dearest--because we will have our first Christmas together, dammit!

I hope you and yours are having a very Merry Christmas, a very happy Hanuka, a very happy Kwanza, or whatever it is you celebrate. As long as you're a live and you've got people to celebrate with, then you've got the world.

Happy Holidays all and Best Wishes!

Story Updates

I didn't post it on here, but I sent in a short story to a fantasy/sci-fi magazine last month. Unfortunately, it was rejected. However, I'm not bummed. Not just because I'm keeping my chin up, I'm really really proud. Last time I mailed out any stories, on top of a lot of really, really dumb mistakes, they were all form rejections. This time, I received a more personal rejection. I'm not sure if it was just another form of form rejection or not, but it was addressed directly to me, and mentioned my story by name. Regardless, it was a different rejection than the one I received from the same magazine previously, possibly because it was from the Assistant editor? I'm not sure. I just know that any change is good, and I'm taking this as a plus. I'm gonna send it back out into the world come Monday and keep my fingers crossed.

A Quick Sunday Update

Friday night I got around 2500 words, and last night I got 2217 words. The story has really come easily. I'm enjoying the quickness with which it's flowing. And the story is so unique and bizarre that it's keeping me wondering what's gonna happen next, even though I've already plotted it out.


Anyway, besides that, I finished Hawkspar by Holly Lisle a couple of days ago. Fantastic book. I couldn't put it down until I was done. It's the sequel to Talyn, which made quite a splash when it came out. If anyone hasn't read it, I recommend going out and getting a copy right now. You'll be glad you did.

That's really all for, just wanted to pop in and update quickly. Hope everyone's been having a great weekend.

First Impressions

This isn't a blog post about first impressions in the business world -- although it would be a great subject: comparing first impressions in other areas to your writing. Not to self: get on that one.

Anyway, this is just my first impressions on a few things. First of all, I got to see the new Harry Potter movie over the weekend. It was absolutely phenomenal. In my opinion, it was the best one out of all of them -- leaps and bounds better than the last one. You can tell that the original writer is back after letting someone else take over for the 5th one. The diaglogue, pacing, action, all great.

I have two complaints off the top of my head. The final scene should have had Ginny in it. I understand that the scene was showing how the trio started together and would finish together -- sort of a symbolic scene summarizing their friendship -- but Ginny was built up so much in the movie, I felt she became sort of forgotten in favor of action scenes at the end.

And, there was one moment where the cutting from one shot to the other was a little abrupt and awkward. But other than that? Amazing. Absolutely breath taking.

And the man who did the score did a pretty good job. There were moments where I just noticed how fantastic the score really was.

The movie did a great job of getting me excited for Deathly Hallows part 1 and 2. Especially since Steve Kloves is writing this one, too, and John Williams is returning to compose the score for this one -- he was the man who composed the score for the first three movies. And David Yates really proved his chops with this one, so I can't wait to see how he pulls off the final 2 movies.


Anyway, and also, I've been trying out a program that I found and was very interested in a while back, but felt it was too big for me. It's called yWriter, and it's the free, PC answer to Holly Lisle's Scrivener. Everything that Holly says Scrivener does, as far as I can tell, yWriter does as well, and since I don't have a Mac, this is an answer to my prayers. Version 5 is actually the newest version out, but for some reason a run through Google only brought me the logo for the 4th version, but you get the gist.

I was hesitant about downloading it, not because it seemed like a bad software, but because it seemed way too much for what I've been focusing on. I've been trying to write short stories lately to practice my craft and my ability to tell a story before I work on writing a novel and this software just seemed like way too much. Great for novels -- long sprawling things that they are -- but just too much for a tiny, little short story.

I was wrong. This thing is great. In about 30 minutes I had worked out not only my main characters, I have my plot lined out, and it even has an area that keeps track of your writing goals. Input a start date and a finish date and the number of words you want in your story and it calculates how many you need per day to meet your goal.

Pretty user-friendly once you poke around a bit. It can be very simple -- offering just a bare-bones notes area -- or it can be amazingly complex in helping you remember subplots, side characters, locations, dates, items that you introduced that don't need to be forgotten. It'll even help you remember that a character that died in chapter 17 showed back up across the country in chapter 22.

All in all, I'm very impressed with this handy little piece of software, and look forward to using in all of my future projects. It may give me the kick in my pants I need to get writing sometimes.

Bad News, Good News, and Other Random Junk

I hope everyone had a good fourth of July weekend, and I hope that this weekend is going well, too.

My fourth of July was a fascinating example of things being great and tragic all at the same time. I decided to go with my girlfriend and make a trip to my college town to enjoy a nice day out with my girlfriend and my best friend. I figured we'd piddle during the day, and then watch the fireworks show in the park that night.

The trip up there was tons of fun. I love going on road trips with my girlfriend. We argue, we debate, we laugh, we joke, we play with the radio -- we have a great time. The whole trip up there we took turns picking music to listen to and laughing and telling stories. That's when disaster struck. A gaggle of buzzards were enjoying their mid morning breakfast when I slammed into one by accident -- it chose to fly straight and race my car rather than veer to the right. My stomach turned as I heard a glorious thump and crack, and saw, to my dismay, my mirror dangling from my car.

After stopping my car, looking at the damage, and swearing a lot more than I'm proud to admit, my girlfriend calmed me down and convinced me that everything would be okay. A quick stop at an auto parts store revealed that a new mirror would be $64. I'll never make a visit to them again, though. They offered the suggestion of duct tape to hold my mirror in place until I got home and could find another solution, and as the man spoke, he grabbed some duct tape that they had been using -- 3/4 gone -- and proceeded to tape my mirror to my door. It was a terrible job, but it would hold for a while. They proceeded to charge for the duct tape. Jerks.

It was great, though. I got over it, and I had a blast. When it came time for the fireworks, the heavens opened up and produced a hellstorm of rain and thunder. When I had to go back home, it rained so hard I was driving 10 mph at one point, hoping to find a place to pull over to wait out the storm.

Despite it all, I had fun.

Friday was my girlfriend's and my 3 month anniversary. To celebrate, we went to the city. We couldn't see the movies we wanted to see, because my girlfriend forgot to bring her ID, and so they refused to sell her the tickets -- R rated. So, instead, we went and watched The Proposal. It was cute, and Betty White was great. Yes, I know who Betty White is.

Anyway, it was a fantastic date day. We got lunch from Subway, and then ate it in the park. We noticed, at one point, that a train ran around the park. At my insistence, we rode the train around the park twice. It was funny, silly, and romantic. I had a blast. She had a blast. And we were very happy.

Anyway, so that's all the updates I've got. I've written a little, but not a lot. What do you do when you planned to write a short story, and the short story seems like it's going to expand much larger than you intended? It seems like it could extend into a full book. I guess I write the book? Do I set it aside and write something else for now -- since I don't really have time to write a book? I dunno. It's an interesting development.

Obligatory Resolutions Post

What? An actual post?! Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse.

Did you all have a good New Year's party? I sure did. I volunteered at the local theater to help watch the kids. It was...an adventure. The downside was someone decided to give out the horns and buzzers 10 minutes early. I had my first horrible headache of the New Year!

Other than that, everything was fun. I was forced into getting on stage and singing a song on the Karaoke machine. I chose Fergalicious. What better song to usher in the new year, right?

Anyway, my resolutions:

1) Continue to work on getting healthier -- cutting out junk food, working out, running, drinking mostly water, etc.

2) Manage my money better. I was way to loose with it last semester, so my resolution is to budget it out better so that I don't blow through it with thoughts like "Oh...it's only $5..."

3) Try to get out more and meet more people. This is one that will be really hard, as I'm usually content just hanging in my room when there's nothing going on. The biggest problem will be that I don't know how to meet new people.

4) Try to write more. I have epically failed at writing this last year. I need to work on writing more -- I think I'm gonna try to set up a goal that I can keep at a sustained rate. What I'm thinking about right now is 2000 words a week, and a short story a month. The amount of words may go up or down, depending on how I do, but I will also have a ton of reading from my lit classes, writing from my Creative Writing class, and a play that we'll be doing come February. When that's over...I'm probably gonna want to take a break.

5) Work on doing my homework early rather than procrastinating. I have a problem with putting off my stuff until the last minute because I'd rather do other stuff -- like Facebook. My goal is to make REALLY good grades -- hopefully all A's, but I won't hold my breath, because I've got Physical Science.

So, for the new year, what are your resolutions? Any big goals you want accomplished?

End of the Week Writing Update

Well, this is kind of an end of the week wrap up. You might not hear much from me on into Tuesday because midterms are here and baring their ugly teeth. I've got a World Literature test, an American literature test, and a Intro to Film test. Yuck. Shouldn't be too bad though. My Psych test was last week, so I least I don't have to worry about that.

So, yeah, writing. My friends and I are trying to start a writer's club where we meet and critique and stuff. The last one was kind of a bust. Since it was just basically us friends who hang out all the time, nobody took it too seriously, and some people only came to make my roommate feel better. One girl stopped caring halfway through the meeting and complained if anybody wanted to read anything longer than 3 pages...and then she read the longest poem I'd ever seen a student write. It was, like, 14 pages. Another girl there just didn't care and talked during the readings and just didn't take anything too seriously. Most of what was accomplished was...well...nothing. We still don't even know when to set the usual meetings. We're setting them for Tuesdays at 6:30, but that's just a tentative schedule, and we still don't know whether we want to meet every week or every other week. Meanwhile, my friend has been trying to gather up some people other than just us friends so the meetings will be more formal and structured. This thing will probably collapse, but I think it's cool of them to try.

As for actual writing, I've started a new story. I've decided that free form is just not the structure for me. I can't do "seat of your pants" writing, I go off on irrelevant tangents, and I catch myself with a whole lot of scenes where the main character is just doing mundane tasks. I realize that in scene something should change to make it significant, even if it's a small change, and with that in mind, I've been trying to make sure all of my scenes involve a change or action of some kind. I also laid out the basic ideas that I wanted, which I've done before, but I've been using a technique I got from Holly Lisle's plot course where I can fill in the blank spaces between key scenes with relevant scenes instead of fluff and filler. So it's been going pretty well.

Interestingly enough, when I finished mapping out the basic concept of the story, I realized that it's very similar to a story I tried to write before, but with a slightly different take on it. It's more organized, more streamlined, and hopefully it'll flow better because of that.

Also, for you writers who are a bit more disciplined than I am, NaNoWriMo is just around the corner. In case you don't know, that stands for National Novel Writing Month. If you don't live in the US, that's fine. National doesn't really mean anything. Anyone can participate, and if you think you're up to the challenge, you can go here to register. I want to participate in one someday, but I never have the time. And by never have the time I mean that I don't want to risk my scholarship and my schoolwork. I'm not very good at balancing my daily tasks -- it's one of the things I'm trying to work on -- and I'm hoping I can work towards participating in one in the near future. If you have anymore questions about NaNo you can look here, and I hope you guys have fun.

That's all I've got right now. Have a good weekend guys. I'm going to hit the books.

Failure

I want to talk today about failure. It happens to all of us, and it sucks when it happens. Specifically, I'm talking about failing as a writer. I've gone through this feeling multiple times since I was in the first grade.

I've been writing short stories and the like since first grade. In the first grade, there was a series of books that was out about different animals. Usually the titles were alliteration like Bobby Bobcat, Sandy Skunk, Ricky Rabbit, etc. Those aren't actually the names of the books, but that was the gist of them. Anyway, I wrote some short stories for a contest where the winner would get his story published. It didn't win. That was my first failure. I tried and failed, however, being a kid, I quickly got over it. Kids have the amazing ability to bounce back from things like that. I continued to write, despite my rejection, but eventually, the bug seemed to die and I lost interest in writing.

In sixth grade, for some reason, the writing bug came back strong. I think we were doing something that had to do with creative writing in my reading class, and when she was explaining what a prompt was, she gave us an example of a kid finding a gigantic hole in the playground and investigating it. I was immediately seized with an idea, and I went home and started writing. The story actually turned into something way different from what I thought it would be, but I loved it. It was the first time I ever wrote a fantasy story. It was about some kid that was the decendent of a king and how he had to fight the evil wizard from back in the day in the modern world because he was up to no good. After that, I wrote constantly.

I didn't think about it at the time, but I never finished any of my other stories. I had some great ideas, and I would start them, but eventually I'd run out of steam and go on to something else. I did finish a few more stories, both of which were sequals to the first story I wrote in the sixth grade, but over the next several years, nothing else got finished.

By the time I got into high school, the writing bug had died again. Not for long. Eventually, I was talking to one of my friends who liked to write, and that got me started again. By then, I had discovered that writing was a career and I had chance to become one. A slim chance, but a chance nonetheless. So I started writing a "novel." I started with a map. I was just bored one day, and started doodling, and eventually, I had the idea for this great fantasy epic. This was just after I'd gotten into the Shannara books. That story, however, died. I wrote a lot -- probably 68 pages, which was a lot for me at the time -- but I just ran out of steam. Over the course of my high school career, I would restart on it every now and then, trying to rework it and make it better. Eventually the notes were long gone and I was just working on what I remembered, but I always fizzled before I really got started. Once again...fail.

Senior year, I got the idea to start fresh. If you guys have followed this blog far enough, you'll see where I planned stuff. I designed a really detailed culture, a pretty good religion that based itself off of Christianity, but also threw in some ideas from other religions that I had studied during World History. It was going to be even more epic. I had probably 40 pages of notes alone, with tons of notes on characters, notes on cultures, religions, customs, clothes, and a HUGE amount of back history that dated back probably 4000 years before the story took place. Eventually, I felt I was ready to start writing. However, same as with all the other times...EPIC FAIL. The story died a horrible writhing death. I tried desperately to save it, but there was no way to do it.

Of course after that, I began to wonder about myself as a writer. I mean, I kept losing interest, I kept quitting and moving on to something else, or leaving writing behind altogether to pursue other interests. Was I really cut out to be a writer if I was so undisciplined that I couldn't come home and write and stick with a story until it was finished?

With that in mind, I decided to start experimenting. I wrote one short story in the theme of stuff I used to do as a kid -- sort of dark, horror/thriller/paranormal stories. It came out okay. I posted that a while back. Then I wrote a murder mystery because I'd been reading a lot of them and wanted to give them a try. It came out okay, too. They were finished though, and that was a big victory for me. I decided to send them off to a magazine -- a first for me, and a huge step. They got rejected, though. ...FAIL. However, rereading them, I can obviously see why, now. Not my best work, in my opinion.

So, then I tried to write a science fiction short story. I decided it would run toward the long-ish spectrum of the short story section, and I wouldn't consider the story at all. I would write "by the seat of my pants", as some people say. Well, it fizzled and died, too.

What is my point from all this rambling? I seriously began to doubt myself as a writer. I mean, what kind of writer hasn't finished any but a handful of stories? What kind of writer starts huge projects and doesn't finish them? And more importantly, what kind of writer gives up writing, the thing that's supposed to bring them the most joy? Surely I just wasn't cut out to be a writer. I decided I didn't have talent, I needed to give up on my dream and settle on something else, something easier, that I wouldn't epically fail at all the time.

Well, I've learned something I didn't fully connect together until recently, but each one of those failures taught me a lesson about writing. My failed novel in high school? I had not planned anything at all about my story, just vague concepts of plot and characters. Because of that, I had a ton of random scenes that didn't further the plot at all. The second novel? I learned from the first time. I took a ton of notes for my worldbuilding, but still I had no real idea where anything was going. I basically had a setting. My short sci-fi story? Once again, with no idea where it was going, it fizzled and died.

So basically, I learned that I'm not a "seat of the pants" writer. I tried an "outline" for my first high school novel, but what I actually had was a list of what Holly Lisle calls "candy bar scenes." There were huge gaps where I had no idea what I wanted to do, and so I tended to ramble and pad my novel with filler scenes and fluff.

So what you could say I took away from this was that I learned that I need a general guidline to get me from start to finish, but I also learned, and I think this is the more important lesson, that just because I haven't finished many projects doesn't mean I'm not cut out to be a writer. I obviousy love writing, or I wouldn't keep coming back to it. From now on, whenever I fail to meet one of my writing goals, I'm going to step back and examine the failure from another perspective and see if I can't find the lesson in that "failure" and view them instead as "opportunities for growth."

So what about you? Have you learned from any failures?

Doing Something For Yourself

You know, reading in college is sometimes a chore. I love to read, but there are just times where the thought of reading makes you want to bash your head against the wall until the voices go away. It's often mind numbing to sit through pages and pages and pages of uninteresting drivel, usually written by some dude with a Ph.D and no memory of what it was like to be in college with a life and other classes. And, with all due respect, you have to wonder where they dig up some of those essays and stories for anthologies. I mean, I understand that they're broadening our horizons, but can't they do that with something interesting, like Mark Twain or Mary Shelley or C.S. Lewis?

Since almost every night you're subjected to dissecting some stuffy expert's overly complicated explanations about such-n-such course, or you're sifting through the horribly flowery language of the early 15, 16, and 1700's. Let's face it, the people of that time period were experts at saying nothing. There were pages and pages and pages of pointless rambling in one of the stories I read earlier in the year -- usually information that had nothing to do with the actual point at all. I think at one point they were describing cobblestones in the road.

Well today, I had my homework done early and I decided to crack open one of the books that I had been reading but put on hold for college. It felt so nice. I was immediately sucked in, and before I knew it, two hours had passed and I was gonna be late for class. I felt like a new person. The sky seemed bluer, and the grass seemed greener. Every now and then, you just gotta read for yourself.

The same thing can be said for your writing. Holly Lisle helped me remember this with a recent update I read. When you're writing something, whether you enjoy it or not, it sometimes becomes more of a job than for pleasure. Even if you really enjoy what you're doing, it sometimes becomes too much of the same and you have to shake things up. It's alright to give in to that little story and peek into windows of places that you might visit soon. It's always nice to get a little taste of somewhere else to break up the monotony.

Sometimes you just gotta do something for yourself.

My Promised Explanation

Hello everyone. Long time no hear, eh? Yeah...sorry about that.

So how have things been going for me? Well, after the play finished, I went and visited my roommate at his house for a week. It turned out to be a fun but troublesome trip because when I tried to leave, my windshield wipers quit working, and I had to have them re wired to work temporarily until I could get them more permanently fixed. The plus side is after, they were fixed, they worked like they were supposed to. I can now proudly say I have the ability to delay my wipers, and even have washer fluid sprayed with the flick of a switch if my windshield needs to be cleaned.

After that I was back at school, and that has been what has kept me the most busy. I've been reading more than 50 pages a night, and it's not easy reading either. At first it was Columbus's letters to the queen, which sounds like it would be an intriguing read, but was about as interesting as having rusty needles pushed underneath my fingernails. And that was the trend that they stayed for a while. They're getting a little (a very little) bit easier, and are becoming a little more interesting with each assignment, but they're also getting longer. I just had to read Gulliver's Travels in one sitting, and The Coquette in one sitting the next night. It's been pretty rough.

On the writing front, I've had absolutely no time for my own personal writing. I've been writing about a paper a week. They aren't always necessarily long, but each one requires consideration and thought. I'm not just gonna churn out garbage and hand it in, I pride myself on working really hard on my essays. Speaking of, I've got one to write tonight I think.

My two favorite classes are Film Class and Psychology, with World Lit following close behind. Psychology is just extremely interesting in everyway. I love learning the inner workings of the mind, and hearing lots of myths debunked in the process. And Film is just great. My teacher is a real smartass, and she loves to poke fun of uptight people. She also points out symbolism in films I've never seen it before. I mean, I don't always agree with her. I mean, I sat through her lecture last year on Alien, and I'm pretty sure when they made it, they weren't going for sex. Who cares if the alien's head is shaped like a penis? So are cucumbers, but that doesn't mean that making a salad is a sexual ennuendo. Anyway, so far we've watched Hitchcock's Rebecca, and Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and this week we're watching Rear Window I believe, which I've seen before, but I love it all the same. I can't wait to see what she points out.

Speaking of writing, though, I've been trying to get back in the groove. It seems my writing always suffers from my rude re-introduction to school, so I'm trying to get back in the groove. However, it's harder than it seems. Balancing my life is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to work out more, eat healthier, read and write more, watch less TV, and make more friends. That's a lot to cram in, though, and writing has been one of the things that has fallen to the wayside. However, there's something that might shake it up a little, and that's a writing club. The first meeting is on Tuesday, and I'm gonna check it out. I know writing clubs face lots of problems -- it could just be an hour long pat on the back section, or you could be diving into a swimming pool full of sharks and pirhannas. We're gonna try to make it clear up front that the critiques should be thorough, but also not rude. Explain your complaints without insulting the writing, and possibly offer suggestions that you think will improve it. There's not much known about how things will work, but it sounds promising nonetheless...if it gets organized.

Beyond that nothing really interesting has happened. This weekend, we had family day. All the parents came to see their kids and there was a concert and a football game. I was glad to see the concert. It was 38 Special, who I've never heard of before, but I enjoyed their performance quite a bit, actually. Then we went to the ball game so my brother -- who's in band -- could see my school's band in action. He had a blast. Of course, our team got stomped, so we wound up leaving early. The last I saw it was 45 - 24, and there was only 1:30 on the clock.

So, how have things been with you guys lately?

Muses and Inspiration Revisited

Remember my post about the muse? Well, Maureen Johnson had a post on the fifth that answers my question in a very interesting way, and I didn't even ask her. You can find it here. Go check it out. It's a good post.

Inspiration

I've been thinking about this post for a while. It's something that I would like to talk about. At first I thought it was only me, but I've talked to several people and they all have this problem.

Inspiration, aka the muse. She's a fickle friend, and one that often leaves you. It's the fire that drives you to write, the passion that makes you love what you do and want to see the thing to the end. Every writer and wanna-be writer knows what I'm talking about. You get that idea and your pulse quickens and you feel your adrenaline surge and you just can't wait to get started.

But, what I've seen happen a lot is the inspiration goes away. Sometimes early on. For those who feel dedication and love and such, sometimes halfway through the book, but eventually it seems that writing becomes a chore...and everybody hates chores so why would you want to write? Let's go watch some Smallville and give the muse a rest. We'll write tomorrow.

Tomorrow you say, geez, man. I still don't want to write. Oh well, I'll go read this book I've been wanting to read and go wash some dishes and tomorrow I'll do a big writing day to make up for what I missed today.

And the next day you don't.

And the next day you don't...

...and eventually you stop writing entirely. That's happened to me more times than I can count. I have a whole ton of stories that I started, but never got around to finishing, some of them I didn't know what I wanted to do with them, some them I knew exactly, but all of them eventually became no fun to write.

I thought it was just me, but one of my college friends was talking to me the other day -- she's a creative writing major -- and she said that she gets like that too.

That's why I've been writing so many random genre stories lately: A Lover Scorned was a kinda noir-ish murder mystery, Silence and Darkness was a horror-ish story, and Detective Sheen is sci-fi, which I've never written before. I've been trying variety to give the muse other flavors and make her want to work, but I still lose interest.

So this is kind of a discussion question for those of you who want to participate, how do you finish things? How do you keep interested long enough to finish the whole project, whether it be a short story or a novel?

This post is rated R for Rejection.

Hey, still up to my neck in "end of the year" garbage. But, I thought I'd give you guys a little news, I got more word from two more magazines. I got word from Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine about my murder/mystery story. A very polite rejection letter. I also got word from The New Yorker (yeah, it was a long shot, but I thought it was worth a try), and that was another shorter but still polite rejection letter. Oh well. If they don't get accepted, I'll post them on Scrib'd and you guys can read them there. If I do that, and if you do read them, and if you decide to give me some constructive criticism, that's awesome.

Anyway, Im exhausted. I'm gonna crash. Hope you guys are doing okay. I can't wait until life slows down a little. Then I can post an actual post. Anyway, good night all.

Lesson To Learn

In my teaching class, have to come up with a 20 minute lesson to teach on. For the life of me, I can't think of anything to come up with.

The first lesson I had to do was a 7 minute lecture. I chose "How to Write a Novel," and I covered the basics of brainstorming, outlining, and revising. Writing is my love, so I'd love to do another lecture on that, but I don't know what to do it on. If you guys have the team, please leave me some ideas in the comments. I'd really appreciate it. My lecture is on the 28th.

Thanks for any help you guys have.

The Idea Well

Everyone writer has one. We go to it whenever we need ideas -- whether it be for stories, or characters, or for chapters for novels or whatever. It's the place where all creativity is stored. Sometimes it's called our muse. That's probably a better description when the muse is being bitchy, but for the purpose of this illustration, it's a well.

After I sent my stories off, I was reluctant to get back to the keyboard. I wasn't the first couple days, but the longer I wait for responses, the less eager I am to get back to writing. I don't feel excited, and actually getting the words to flow takes longer and longer to do. I wasn't sure what was locking me up, but I've had trouble sleeping because I keep dwelling on it, and I finally figured it out. It came to me when I was clearing out old files on my computer.

Everynow and then I go through the computer and look at what I've got saved that's been building up and stuff. Obviously, since the virus fiasco, I don't have as much built up, but I'd like to think that deleting some of the crap time to time helps the computer run faster.

Well, I looked through my story folder at stuff that might be a candidate for deletion, when I realized something. I almost never delete anything I write, ever. Everything I've written (with the exception of some one page starts that fizzled before they got going) is still saved on there. I browsed through the files and found stories I started in the sixth grade that are still on there.

I finally got it, what I was afraid of. When I go back to my story, it's the first original idea I've had in a while, something that I just came up with when I was sitting around one day. I was inspired by the movie 12 Monkeys starring Bruce Willis, but it actually has almost nothing to do with 12 Monkeys, but I'm getting off track. The reason I'm afraid of going back to the keyboard and the reason I never delete anything, is because I'm petrified of running out of ideas.

I think part of the reason that I finished only one or two stories in my life and then left the rest to gather dust on the hard drive is so I could come back to them, write on them, improve them, make them pretty, and then leave them. I was always guaranteed to have something to write as long as all those stories were left unfinished, or the ones that were finished could be rewritten every few years as I improved in my writing.

When I sent off my stories, it was the first two I'd completed in a long time, and my mind went through shock. I just sent two ideas off. I can't go back and rewrite those, I can't improve them. They're gone.

The reason I never finished a novel idea was because I was afraid that if by some astronomical chance I got published, I was afraid I would be a one hit wonder. I was, and still am, afraid that if I get anything published, it's dwindling the number of ideas I'll have. I haven't settled into one genre very easily, I don't have ideas off the wazoo, I haven't, until a few years ago, written very much very consistently, and I don't dream that often to get ideas.

I'm absolutely terrified that I've already drawn the good stuff out of the idea well, and that eventually I'm going to draw stuff that either sucks, or that has been done over and over and over.

So . . . now that I've figured out the problem, I have to figure out how I can fix it.

Taking A Big Leap

Well, yesterday, I didn't get any words for writing. But! That was because I'm editing two short stories. I'm going to send them out. I don't know how to think about it. I don't know whether to be hopeful, or not to expect much. At the moment, I'm doing both, and that's really making sleeping hard. Today, we're going to Wal-Mart to buy some envelopes, stamps, and a new ink cartridge.

I've got two short stories...one's a mystery, and the other is a supernatural thriller. Well, I'm gonna get ready to go to the store. Wish me luck!

Writing Magic

I just got through with my nightly writing. This was the best writing session I've had in a long time. The words flowed like magic, like someone was whispering them into my ear. This is why I write, for moments like tonight where everything seems to work and I know that I've tapped into something and I've discovered something about myself that I didn't realize was there.

My goal for the new year has been writing 1000 words a day. I've hit more or less that every time I've written--although I haven't written everyday. Last night I wrote 967 words, which is close enough for me. I could have tried for the extra words, but I would have wound up stoppin the middle of a scene, and I already had the perfect stopping point. Tonight, though...tonight was something else. I wrote 1753 words tonight. That's way past my goal, and I couldn't be happier.

I also got some great stuff tonight. Some stuff came up in Detective Sheen's life, and I know more about it than he does (and the reader at this point) and the problems he's going to have because of it just makes me giddy inside.

Here's hoping I can have more nights like tonight.

Day Two And The Resolutions Are Falling Apart Already

Well, I think I'm gonna have to set some goals and be specific, because so far, the goals are falling apart. I've resolved to write more, finish some short stories, come up with more story ideas, and start running every morning. I've had some story ideas, but the rest of the goals have been iffy.

I ran today, but that's the first time for several days. I've learned that when the temperature when you wake up is 12 degrees, it's best to wait a few hours before you go running, and give the air a chance to warm up. By the time I came back, I suspected I had frost bite on my ears, my hands, and several other placed I would prefer not have it.

I've had a couple of story ideas, but I've just been letting them slosh around while I finish the story I'm working on. I'm not plotting this one, just letting it go and see how things go. This is just an experiment. I mapped and planned and sucked all the fun out of writing trying to get every little detail down, so now I'm going organic-ish for my stories to see if I can make it more fun.

Two problems with that:

1. It makes for getting stuck to be very easy.
2. When you get stuck, it makes it easier to procrastinate.
3. Procrastination leads to no writing.
4. That's bad for my goals.

So I need to find a happy medium, where I can plot out and know how things are going, but also leave room for loosey-gooseyness and fun.

Anyway, how's the new year going for everyone else so far?