Twisted Tales

This is a post I had planned a while back. I found it saved as a draft and thought I'd post it for you guys.

A while back I mentioned that I found an interesting book. It was called The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. It's the "true" story of Alice of Wonderland. In it, Princess Alyss Heart is from an alternate dimension called Wonderland, and she's next in line for the throne when her crazy aunt Redd kills her mother and takes the throne for herself. Then, Alyss and the kingdom's best mercenary, Hatter Maddigan, flee and accidentally wind up in our world. Recently I've noticed more and more books and exposing the “truth” behind many of the myths and stories we've come to know an love. The King Arthur movie, that Santa's Slay movie with Bill Goldberg, The Looking Glass Wars, all the way to The True Story of the Three Little Pigs, we love hearing a new twist on the old classics. I can't help but wonder what other stories will be re-examined, and who wind up writing them?

• The story of a man who almost ruined everything. Rumors have spread that some scientists in England discovered a way to travel through time. The discovery was accidental, but shows to actually have many practical applications for the field of ancient history. Everything begins to fall apart, though, when one of the top minds who helped develop the time travel device goes missing – along with the device! Now it's a race against time – and through it – to discover where the missing man went, and get the device back. This summer's action packed read! It made number 3 on the New York Time's bestseller list, James Patterson's next thrilling novel, Where's Waldo?

• Hansel and Gretel came to America expecting to make it big. Unfortunately, the biggest thing the 400 pound twins found were the costumes they have to wear everyday at The Gingerbread Mansion, a small, rundown local amusement park. They feel unfulfilled and homesick, but things look like they're turning around when they save a pro-wrestling agent from a mugger while he's on vacation. They're soon on the high rise to fame, but things take a turn for the worst when they get an invitation to go on a guided hike through the Colorodo Rocky Mountains. It seems a jealous and bitter amusement park manager is determined to get her best employees back . . . or else. “Cannibals, candy, and an astounding trapeze act, this book is fun for the whole family.” -- Charlie Chuckles, Radical Reads Magazine. “Judy Blume does it again . . . Hansel and Gretel: The Tales of Two Tubby Twins is a fantastic read for all ages.” -- New York Times
  

Last one, I swear, but these are so much fun to write.

• Georgia Rogers just wanted to have a good baking party. It was December, and the semi-finals for the Sweetsville Cooking Contest were just around the corner. She really wanted to blow the judges away with a holiday treat. When she goes to the library to do some research on some of the more obscure holiday treats, she stumbled across an ancient and tattered cookbook. Intrigued, she took it home. She was unaware of the terror held between the pages of that decrepit, leatherbound book, for when she decides on a recipe to try, she unleashes the bloodiest, most horrifying thing the world has ever seen. “King reigns supreme!” -- Michael Mitchellson, Maniacal Mystery Magazine. “Stephen King's The Gingerbread Man gave me chills. I'll never look at my favorite holiday treat the same way again.” -- Martha Stewart.

What are some old stories that you want to see rewritten? Or what better yet, what would be your take on some of those old stories? Let us all know in the comments.

Update

I've tried writing this post several times. Every now and then I'd get the urge to post something on the blog, a little update, but halfway through, I'd give up and just close it out. I just didn't feel like posting. But I like the blog, it's my only journal and diary and I post things here to vent when I can't vent in real life. And all of you who read my ramblings and are, by some miracle, interested in what I have to say, grace me with comments and insights that I don't often see on my own. This place is my escape, and it's times like this when I need to get away from it all, the one place where I can be myself, through and through.

My dad's family is not making it easy on my family, but we're making due. I had hope that they might have changed, or at least put aside harsh feelings during this period, but they haven't. I should have expected it, it just wouldn't be them if they did. Towards the end of March we have to go to his hometown in another state and go to court so that all this stuff can be settled. This is probably going to be one of the last updates about my dad. I may update while I'm on the trip, I may not. My grandparents want me to look at it like a vacation, and maybe it should be. It'll give us some time away from it all to relax.

Anyway, I'm going to start writing again and posting, a couple of things I've really missed doing in all this, but not anymore about this. I hope you'll all be happy to see me back, and I can't wait to catch up on what's been going on while I was gone.

Aftermath

Thank you all very much for all your condolences. My family and I have had a lot on our minds and a lot to deal with during all this. Now, unfortunately, comes the legal aspect of it all, which is going to be made complicated by the fact that the laws of our state and his state might be different.

Once again, thank you all very much for keeping me in your thoughts and I'll try to update again when I can.

Death

My father was one of the unfortunate souls to pass away from those storms that rampaged through the south on Tuesday and Wednesday. Things are going okay here, just thought I'd update everyone and let them know I'm doing okay and I'll be back when I can.

Busy

I've been swamped with college lately, and I've had a lot of other stuff to do besides. I'll try to post when everything clears up.

Marvelous Meme Magic

Well, there's nothing going on around here, so I thought I'd do this meme that PJ Hoover, over at ROOTS IN MYTH, tagged me with.

The rules are:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the next three sentences.

5. Tag five people.

Well, I had two books stacked on top of eachother -- I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert and The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. I checked both of their pages and decided on The Looking Glass Wars getting the nod, mostly because I liked the three sentences better than the other one.

Here you go:

Anyone could see that she was going to grow into a beautiful woman. It was the thoought that her beauty might gain her entry into ranks of society rarely attained by orphans, which could bode well for Charing Cross, leading to donations from wealthy families on the hunt for unearthly beauties of their own. Whenever Alyss mentioned Wonderland, she was shushed more harshly than she would have been if the wardens hadn't taken an interest in her.

Intrigued? I know I was. It's a really good book, and just because I like books and like to recommend them, I recommend both I Am America (And So Can You!) and The Looking Glass Wars. Both are very good. If you like Colbert's show, I Am America is the same thing -- funny. And the other book puts a new spin on Alice in Wonderland that is very interesting.

As for tagging people, I hate to be a bother to anyone. Anyone who wants to do this meme is free to do so. Link to it in the comments and give us all something to read too, will you?

UPDATED WITH NEWEST NEWS: Actor Heath Ledger has died today. It's really too bad, I liked him. He was funny in 10 Things I Hate About You, and he looked like he was making a kick-ass Joker in the new Batman movie. I know my mom is going to miss him -- she loved his accent.

Response

I got word back from one of the magazines I sent my stories off to. It was a rejection. My first one. I've got a drawer in my file cabinet that I'm gonna put all my rejections in. Except this one. It's going on the wall.

Here's what it says:

Dear Contributor,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read your manuscript. The volume of mail I receive keeps me from responding personally to each submission. And unfortunately I must often turn down good work due to space limitations and other considerations. I am very sorry that I will not be able to publish your piece at this time. I appreciate your interest in Weird Tales and hope that you will keep me in mind for future submissions.

Sincerely,

Ann VanderMeer
Fiction Editor
WEIRD TALES

Revelation

I'm going to college right now to be an English teacher. It's not what I want to do with my life, I want to become a writer, but I realize that the chances of that are slim, and, at the least, I need to have something to do until I get published. Besides, Stephen King and Dean Koontz were both English teachers before they made it big.

My choice to pursue English education wasn't really passion, it just seemed to be the most logical choice. After all, I was good at English, so the choices of field seemed limited. Journalism wasn't my cup of tea when I had it in high school (then again, that might have been because I was never given any of the good stories. Only headlines like “Math Club Wins State Competition”...whoo...) and I didn't see any other jobs except writing and being an English teacher.

Being a teacher was never a calling. I never watched my teachers and thought, man, I wish I were doing that. But I thought it was the best career for my talents.

The ironic thing is, I hate public speaking, and just trying to do my Biology final presentation almost made me have an asthma attack. I got all panicky, I felt hot and cold at the same time, and when I started speaking, my face turned bright red. It always does. When I thought about that the other day, I wondered, Why am I even doing this? This job is public speaking everyday! I tried not to think about it, I tried not to dwell on the fact that I might be totally ruining my chance to get a good job after this. I feared I was wasting my time and money.

Today I had my second class of Classroom Communications and Public Speaking for Teachers.

I think I'll be okay, now.

What Kind Of People Do I Attract?*

* Everything I'm about to tell you is 100% true. I didn't make any of these stories up.

______________

One of my friends recently sent me a quiz: "What Kind of People Do You Attract?" I took it two different times and got two different answers. Apparently I attract Geeks and Yuppies, depending on my mood. I'm fine with attracting Geeks. Geeks are awesome. Yuppies . . . I don't know. Well, from what I've seen today, I'm starting to wonder if I don't attract nutjobs as well.

At lunch today, I had a choice of cheese covered mush, hamburgers floating a yellowish, bubbly liquid, a hot dog shaped something, or pizza. So, fearing for my stomach, I went into the pizza line.

Because my friends and I were there earlier than usual, the lunchroom was more crowded than we were used to. I sighed inwardly when some muscle bound shmuck in a backwards cap and a striped shirt took the last piece of any of the pizza. That meant I'd have to wait in line for more, but, considering the alternative, it wasn't that bad.

While I was standing there with my hands in my pockets, waiting on the people to bring out some pizza, I had a total stranger walk up to me. He looked at me and frowned with concern. I was concerned too -- when someone you don't know is concerned about you, you should probably be concerned too. Then, he told me, "I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid Buddha wants to steal your soul."

My first reaction was WTF?, but I've had experience with crazy people before** and I didn't want to offend the looney, so I responded with, "Thanks for the warning."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. I had encouraged him. He moved out of his line (the sandwich/hamburger line) and stood next to me and replied, "I only warn you because...he's Buddha! You don't know what he can do!"

Fearing that this person might take my polite response as an invitation for friendship, I replied "Yeah, man. Thanks. I'll keep my eye out."

Thankfully, that's all he needed to hear, because he nodded and wandered back into his own line talking to someone he knew -- or maybe some other poor chap -- saying, "Yeah, it's all a big conspiracy theory."

That was really the only eventful thing that happened today, but it was enough to make me wonder.

________

** A guy I used to work with at my old job told me all kinds of stories -- he had buried treasure, his house being built on an indian burial ground (and that meant his house was haunted by the angered souls), he had fought demons, etc. One of his most memorable stories was when he told me his hand was possesed by a demon, and the only way he could exorcise it was to slice it open . . . luckily an angel healed it or he would have bled to death. On a side note, I was very happy to quit that job.

College: Episode One, Part Deux

Unfortunately, I'm back at college again. *sigh * That means more homework, less writing time, and a crappy internet connection besides. But, on the plus side . . . I have a new book to read. The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor.

I am hoping, due to a nice new schedule with more free time than last semester, that I will be writing more and reading more than I was last semester. However, I'm really worried about a few of my classes – American Government. On the one hand, I get a better look into what makes our country tick . . . on the other hand, the teacher is supposed to be really hard.

My posting will drop some, but I'll try to post at least three times a week, not counting weekends, which I will try to post on, too.

Welcome to college, boys. Now bend over for the shaft.