Therapeutic Ramblings.

So, things have been going very well for me. I finished a short story and I've mailed it off--regardless of whether it's accepted, that is something that I very rarely do and I'm proud that I've accomplished my goal. I have another story I need to edit, but I've got the itch to be creative, so I'm trying to write another short story first. I've got an idea, but it's a bit difficult to pull off so far. I had a bit of luck yesterday--if I didn't break through my writer's block, I at least shoved it a few yards away from me.

Besides writing, though, things have been going very well for me. Last semester was an exercise in torture, depression, endurance, and...just...bad things. I was still recovering from car accident, I probably should have taken a semester off, but I didn't want to fall behind--I wanted to make sure I could graduate on time so that I could take care of Darling Dearest. Because of my decision, I was basically taking two semesters at once. I took all 3 of my major education classes in the same go, so I was loaded down with a full schedule, PLUS make up work from the previous semester, PLUS another extra 20 hours of teacher observations due by the end of the semester. It was...hard, to say the least.

After all of that work, I still only failed one class. I have never failed a class. This was a devastating blow to me.

This semester, however, I am doing much better. I'm re-taking the class I failed, and with my other classes, I owed 1 more extra credit hour. I worried about that one hour--I was afraid I'd have to stay an extra semester and graduate late and become what they jokingly call a "super senior" (a senior who has stayed an extra semester or year--which apparently happens A LOT here). It was nothing to worry about, though. I checked with my adviser, and I am now working on our university's literary journal. WHOO! This is fantastic because 1) it's work I really love, and 2) it's exactly 1 hour--just what I need.

Financially, despite a rough summer where I worked at a fast food restaurant, burned my hand, burned my eye lid, and had to buy expensive new shoes that worked no better than the ones I had, we are now much better off. I lost my scholarship (because of the 1 failed class...ever...) but I got enough other financial aid to not only take care of my debts, but also give me much much money in a refund.

With all of that said, I'm still worried. Things have been going to so well, but I still have to take a few tests that will qualify me to get my license to teach. This worries me because the one that's vital for my internship next semester is my content knowledge. If it were English--writing and grammar, I wouldn't be too worried, but it also includes literature. Since the English literary world is thousands of years old, I'm starting to panic. I've already read Catcher in the Rye, so now I'm going through and reading/rereading classics that I don't feel I read well enough for my exams. Jane Austen, I'm about to get to know you very well. Mark Twain, we're gonna become chums. F. Scott Fitzgerald, you and I will boogie our way through the Jazz Age, and I better get my hands on some William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, and John Steinbeck soon, too, I guess. I'm also gonna read Dracula, possibly the Invisible Man, and Lord of the Flies. So...much...reading.

Of course, this is my panic state. Probably an over-reaction, but I feel so vitally unprepared for what I'm about to undertake. I'll probably calm down in a few days/weeks, but then I have another heap of problems and that's where I'll be living when I become a teacher. Originally, the plan was to stay here where my wife could continue her education, but we're thinking of transferring to a slightly bigger town/metropolis area where one of my best friends lives. I'd LOVE to move there, but I'm nervous I won't get hired, and where I get hired dictates where I'll live, and where I live has to be decided before school restarts in the fall and AND AND--

*sigh* Deep breath, dude. We can do this.

Right...so...that's where I stand right now. This is mostly just therapeutic ramblings on my part. I'm sure (read, I hope) I'll figure everything out and everything will turn out okay.

Okay...I better sign off before I make this any longer. Cheerio!

I Have News!

It's been a long time, and I have a ton of news. Lots of news.

The last time you heard from me was Spring Break. Darling Dearest was in rehab, I was concerned with make up work and finals, and I wanted to write some. Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to write. I spent most of Spring Break reading the last two books of the Twilight Saga because of Darling Dearests urgings. I didn't work on my make-up papers (which I should have) and then I returned to school.

A couple of weeks later--April 1st--I turned 21. It wasn't a big deal. I've never really cared about drinking one way or the other. I had never had a drink up until that point (except for an accidental sip when I was little and thought it was Peach Nectar and not a peach wine cooler), so I didn't rush out and celebrate with a giant bash. As a matter of fact, I stayed in all evening and frantically worked on my make up work.

The next day, however, was much more eventful. Darling Dearest got out of rehab! Thankfully, it was before the 10th of April, which is our anniversary of the day that we started dating. We had a lot of fun, and then the big day came. April 10th, 2010. One year from the day we started dating. 1 year of ups and downs, comedies and tragedies. And it happened. We got married. It was a very small ceremony at my grandparents. She looked beautiful in her little white dress we got.

The same day we got married, we moved into our new apartment. We are now completely on our own.

We've been married for a little over a month, and it's been amazing. I never thought I could love someone so much.

I don't want to get too mushy and such, so I'll just say that this was literally the best decision I have ever made.

Darling Dearest still has a few problems--she walks with a limp, her left hand isn't QUITE as steady as the other, and she can't really raise her left foot up. However, she's come SO FAR in such a short time that I can hardly complain. Also, she's been playing Guitar Hero to help her coordination in her left hand, and we're going to the gym at our apartment complex to build strength and help her work on her walking more. In addition, we're looking into some outpatient rehab.
So...that's how things are. You are now up to speed. Thankfully, I managed to make it out of the semester alive...although not without a few problems involving my scholarship. But that is all going stuff that we'll deal with as we can. I'm so glad to have the summer to spend with my new wife.

Goal

Before I do anything else, I just wanted to let you guys know how Darling Dearest is doing. She's doing great. She's been moved to Stage II rehab, and she's making a fast and amazing recovery. We're hoping she'll be out by early April...but it might take a little bit longer. Even though she's able to walk with a walker with amazing accuracy, they only just let her do it full time, and she still has to have someone watching her inside and touching her outside. She feels that a bit unnecessary, and since I've taken her out a few weekends, I would agree to a certain extent.

Okay, so update over, onto the original reason for me writing this:

Tomorrow is the first day of spring break. (I always count Friday evenings. Why wouldn't you? that's quality time to stay up late and not worry about class...as opposed to normal weekdays were I stay up late and not worry about class...) So what does the first day of Spring Break mean? Well for one thing, I get to see Darling Dearest, for another thing, I get a chance to hopefully wipe out the remaining make up work for my classes last semester, but also it's a chance for me to relax away from the pressures of class and the demands of teacher liscenship.

I've got big plans for this week. As I've already stated, I'm going to wipe out my make up work. I also plan to sleep and read a lot. And write. Yes. Write. Something that has been eaten by the pressures of reassembling my life after my accident. I want to use this week to finish a short story. I want to have a short story done, edited, and ready for mailing off when I get back to school. Will it get accepted--probably not. It'll probably suck. But I want to use this prime opportunity to WRITE.

Wish me luck.

On a side note, wish me luck on finding an apartment as well. Darling Dearest and I are looking for one for when she gets out of rehab. Fingers crossed.

Good News!

Actually, it's great news! ...actually, it's fan-freakin'-tastic news!

Darling Dearest has gone to a two week rehab session, and has successfully finished. Now she moves on to the more intensive and prolonged rehab. But that's great! Because she's out of the hospital! Wahoo!

Other than that, I really nothing to add. I've been trying to make up my finals and essays and final projects from last semester.

I do have some pretty cool news though: Author John Green has had a baby! Henry Green was born a few weeks ago.

Other than that...I've finished reading Looking for Alaska. I liked it very much. Not as much as Paper Towns, but very much indeed. Now I'm working on Catcher in the Rye and Children of Jihad. Strangely enough, I started reading Catcher before he died.

That's all for now.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

So, it's been a couple of weeks since my last post. At first I was waiting for my second day of classes so I could give you a first impression run down of how those were. Then I was waiting because I had so much make up work. Then I was waiting until I got back for the week from my trip home. Now? Well...now I'm writing the post, so all is good!

So, I'll start with my classes.

Systems of Grammar: This is easily the classes I'm the most disappointed in. I mean, while it's fascinating to learn how all of the different dialects of the country have a specific reason for their language being structured the way it is, and while it's interesting to learn how languages--specifically English in this case--change through the years, it's mostly Hippy Dippy Grammar Part II. One of my biggest fears about entering the teaching field as a high school English teacher is that I won't know enough about grammar to be an effective teacher. I'm afraid that I won't remember what participle phrases are, what prepositions are, or how to recognize passive voice. I really wanted Systems of Grammar to be a back to basics teaching of the mechanical workings of English grammar...but it's not. I guess I'll have to go ahead and buy some grammar books to refresh myself on the subject before I graduate.

Classroom Application of Educational Psychology: This class seems to be an exercise in redundancy. It's supposed to point out things that are obvious, but that we just haven't given time to think about them. To me, though, it seems like a waste of a class. I realize that kids from strict, authoritarian families are going to be more likely to be passive and prefer structure and being told what to do, while kids from neglectful families or families who make the rules together are going to want fewer rules and less structure from the teacher. I realize that I, as a teacher, have to be sensitive to each student's need as an individual. So...this class makes me sleepy.

Adolescent Development: Is taught by the same teacher as the previously mentioned class, so it's just as boring, and, for now at least, is covering the same material as the other class. I know that the other class is reviewing this a little before moving on to other stuff, but both seem to be a bit redundant. Nevertheless, they're required for my major, so take them I must.

Adolescent Exceptionalities: This class is much more interesting than the other two classes about adolescence. For one thing, the teacher is much more engaging and entertaining. For another thing, the class doesn't point out the obvious, it's about the out-of-the-norm cases. My only beef with this class is that I have to have 10 hours of observation time with an "exceptional" child, which is going to put me in a bit of a crunch with my other class--"Application of Educational blah blah blah"--because I need an additional 10 hours of observation with a high school teacher in the field I will be teaching, AND two videos of me student teaching a class. In addition to the 10 hours with the exceptional student, I'm also expected to write a 15 page paper about the experience by the end of the year. BLARG!

British Literature since 1800: It goes without saying, I enjoy this class. We're starting with Jane Austen's Emma, which I like so far. I've had this teacher before, so I don't think I'll have much to complain about in this one class.

Besides all of the work I'm expected to do for the classes listed, I also have to make up two final exams, finish my poetry portfolio from last semester, write two final papers (6-8 pages each), and make up all the assignments I'm missing for my Technology class. I have a LOT of work to do. Stupid car crash.

On the good news front, I've had two of the most amazing days with Darling Dearest ever. She's not in rehab yet--she developed a little fluid on the brain, so they did a procedure to drain it. However, she's since recovered and is doing leaps and bounds better. She's regained memories that I didn't think she'd every remember, and her personality is finally almost completely back. For example, she misses me, which is something I haven't heard in a while. She calls me all the time now, and that makes me happier than I ever thought I would be ever again.

I also, in my infinite wisdom, decided to purchase a camcorder. I'm very excited that it will be arriving soon (might already be here...although I may have to wait until Tuesday to get it if the Post Office is closed tomorrow...boo...).

So that's the news so far. I plan on spending my Martin Luther King, Jr. Day working on all of my make up work and praying that I can get it out of the way before the work piles on from my other classes. Then, if I make significant enough progress, I'm going to see Darling Dearest in the hospital because I have no classes tomorrow! Whoo hoo with going to see loved ones.

So that's all for now. Remember to leave cookies and milk for Martin Luther King, Jr. so he can leave you presents and freedom under your tree.

A Frigid, Soggy Friday

So, how about this weather, eh? Well, those of us in the south, anyway, are experiencing the craziest winter in a while. It's currently 12 degrees Fahrenheit (I can never get that on the first try...yet another reason why we should switch to Celsius!) outside. It's been a long time since it's been this cold, and the wind chill factor is making it as low as -5 degrees outside. Now, I find this a tad bit unfair. All these years, when I was in school and praying to any deity in control of the weather that would listen, it would never snow. Or it would snow a smattering--enough to make the roofs and the grass white, but never touch to roads. This year, when I DO NOT want it to snow because my fiance is in the hospital in a town several miles on a curvy, woodsy road away, the weather threatens to snow every other frickin' day. This shows a cruel sense of humor on Nature's part. Surely she should realize that I've got important places to be--I already missed my check up on my pelvis thanks to this ridiculous weather.

On the other hand, this weather sort of cheers me up. I worry about global warming, and looking at the thermometer and seeing "12^F" is a nice little assurance that we're not quite as far along to Hell in our hand-basket as I thought.

On another note, I think that our family is cursed. I don't know if our house is on an Indian burial ground, if maybe we hit an old gypsy with our car, or maybe denied some crazy old lady an extension on her house payments, but somehow we have crossed some spirit we should not have crossed.

Just when things start settling down, I learn that my scholarship was revoked because I "didn't complete the number of hours necessary to keep it." Nevermind that I contacted everyone and told everyone important that I was in a wreck, could not return until the next semester, and contacted all of professors thusly. Thankfully, with a little persistence, I managed to get it back.

In addition to that, my brother came home to see water gushing from the house. Since our house hasn't been on anti-depressants in years, he figured it wasn't crying. Nope, turns out a pipe burst in the ceiling in one of our rooms. Hooray flooding! It flooded the kitchen as well as the laundry room. So we'll have to get that fixed tomorrow.

C'mon 2010, you gotta do better than this. Don't you want all of us to talk about how much better you are than that crappy 2009?

On a much brighter note (and the third edit so far) I am pretty much positive that I will transferring dorms. The cool thing is, this is less a dorm and more a private apartment. It has a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom, and a bedroom, and is the bomb-diggity. It'll still have the luxury of a meal plan should I have no food in the house, but also have the advantage of being able to cook super healthy meals for myself whenever I want. I don't have everything squared away yet, but I'm very, very excited.

So how has your week been?

(By the way, how do you like the new template? I think a new year is always a nice time for some redecoration. I also have a new template for the main site as well, although I was looking for one a bit snazzier, but it's hard to find good free website templates. Oh, if only I had a web designer.)

One Last Look Back on 2009

I figured before I go on to posting about relevant things that have happened in 2010, I should look back and see how I did this last year, and what I can improve on in the year to come. So let's have a look, first, at my old resolutions:

1) Continue to work on getting healthier -- cutting out junk food, working out, running, drinking mostly water, etc.

*I did pretty good with this...in the first half of the year. The problem was going home. Where I'm away from the school's carefully portioned meals and healthy ingredients. I gained a bit of weight over the summer...and then I met Darling Dearest, who's greatest passion is Taco Bell. And then I had the wreck, which caused a month of inactivity, and going to and from the hospital means a lot of eating out, which means I've gained somewhere between 15 and 30 pounds. Gotta do better in the year to come.*

2) Manage my money better. I was way to loose with it last semester, so my resolution is to budget it out better so that I don't blow through it with thoughts like "Oh...it's only $5..."

*This was a complete and utter failure. Just trust me.*

3) Try to get out more and meet more people. This is one that will be really hard, as I'm usually content just hanging in my room when there's nothing going on. The biggest problem will be that I don't know how to meet new people.

*This was actually a major success. I've met tons of people. Switching to a new dorm helped a lot--I met lots of nice people--and I started dating Darling Dearest, who introduced me to all of her friends. So I've met lots of people. Go me.*

4) Try to write more. What I'm thinking about right now is 2000 words a week, and a short story a month.

*Another dramatic failure.*

5) Work on doing my homework early rather than procrastinating.

*Semi-success. I'm gonna say I got a little better, but didn't improve as much as I wanted to.*

Besides that, what else happened? Why, I was taking part in the 50 Books Challenge of 2009. Did I succeed?

No.

I only read 23 books in 2009. That's seven less than in 2008, and three less than in 2007. Not quite half of the books I was supposed to have read. But I did succeed in part of the challenge--to broaden your reading scope. In that regard, I was a success. Just because it might be interesting here's a list of the books I read during 2009.

1. The Smoke Thief - Shana Abe
2. Blaze - Richard Bachman
3. Song of Solomon - Toni Morrison
4. Go Down, Moses - William Faulkner
5. The House of Mirth - Edith Wharton
6. The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas - Gertrude Stein
7. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
8. Hawkspar - Holly Lisle
9. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe - Douglas Adams

10. American Gods - Neil Gaiman

11. The Golden Compass - Philip Pullman

12. Create a Plot Clinic - Holly Lisle

13. Women and the Family in Chinese History - Patricia Ebrey

14. Precious Records: Women in China's Long Eighteenth Century - Susan Mann

15. Cinderella's Sisters : A Revisionist History of Footbinding - Dorothy Ko

16. Beowulf - Seamus Heaney

17. Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen

18. The Subtle Knife - Philip Pulman

19. An Abundance of Katherines - John Green (which is, ironically, a very fitting number on the list)

20. Create a Character Clinic - Holly Lisle

21. Paper Towns - John Green

22. The Emerald Tablet - P.J. Hoover

23. The Secret Lives of Great Authors - Robert Schnakenberg

So what did I learn from this list? I really like Toni Morrison. I would like to read more books by her. A lot of the books were for classes (like the Chinese history books). Actually, though, they really got me interested in Chinese culture. In addition, I've learned that I really like John Green's books. I haven't, until now, read them, though I've been a fan of his YouTube show for a year or more.

Also, I finally read The Emerald Tablet, which I really enjoyed. It has a Rowling-like prose style, but the world is totally original and interesting.

By far, the most interesting book on the list was Secret Lives of Great Authors by Robert Schnakenberg. I learned lots of very interesting things.

• Louisa May Alcott was addicted to opium, but it was for medical purposes.
• Emily Dickenson was so reclusive she had to have doctors examine her from behind closed doors. She also chose to wear nothing but white.
• Ernest Hemingway spent a lot of time trying to affirm his masculinity because when he was little his parents dressed him up like a girl and called him Ernestine because they wanted a daughter so much.
• T.S. Elliot loved practical jokes a lot, and idolized Groucho Marx so much he kept a portrait of him up in his house. The two actually had dinner once, and while Groucho expected them to talk about literature, Elliot just gushed about how much he loved his movies, and constantly quoted the comedian.
• F. Scott Fitzgerald went through several titles for his novel The Great Gatsby. He finally decided on Under the Red, White, and Blue, but it was too late the halt production, and so The Great Gatsby it is.

Interesting stuff, to say the least. There was a ton of stuff about authors from Shakespeare to Ayn Rand to J.D. Salinger. From Lord Byron to Mark Twain.

And last but not least, I have one more thing to post about. To ring in the New Year, I am proud to announce that I have purchased a replacement car (Not without a certain pain in my stomach, though. Too bad we couldn't afford full coverage on the old one.) I am the proud owner of a (slightly used) new 2007 Pontiac G6. Whoo hoo! *confetti flies* *horns blare* *"Auld Lang Syne" starts to play* I really am glad to have a new car. This one apparently has airbags on all sides, which I was quite happy to learn. I don't have a keyless fob though. Too bad, because I want a clicker, ha ha. I'll try to post a picture of it later, but just know I am pleased to be nearly fully mobile again.

I'm still coming up with resolutions, so that'll come later.

So, how did you do with 2009? Did you have any successes? Any...not-so-successes?

Goodbye 2009!

Well, 2009 is drawing to a close. And I gotta say, this year, I'm glad to see it go. It's hard to classify this year. On the one hand, I want to say the year was a success. After all, I met the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with--something I never thought that I would do, but especially not so young. And yet, I have, and it's fantastic.

With that said, in the same year that I met my beloved, I almost lost her. Twice. I met her at the beginning of the year--one year ago today, as a matter of fact--and I almost lost her in April. A tornado hit and destroyed a good portion of my hometown. Several months later, I was in a horrific car crash that my girl and I are still recovering from.

So where does 2009 lie? Is it a draw? Or should it be packed up and shipped out with a "good riddance" to follow it out the door. These are questions I don't have the answer to.

So I talked about the bad things--a tornado, a car wreck, various drama's a college involving regime changes, major drama in the summer from my fiance's crazy family--now I need to talk about good things.

I met my beloved. We began flirting, and the first several months of dating-but-not was awesome. We talked on the phone for hours. It was amazing. We started dating, which was even more amazing. We had tons of fun over the summer, despite drama, and our relationship grew. We went to college, where things were nearly perfect. I was fortunate enough to come into a bit of money so that I could some things I've always wanted and a new car. I got engaged. I began planning the rest of my life with my girl. My fiance has made a dramatic recovery from the wreck. The doctor's said she's 3 months ahead of schedule. She's doing amazing, proving, once again, how awesome she is.

I think if there were a theme to 2009, the theme would be change. So much has changed this year. My brother is in his senior year, I got engaged, we both got new cars, friends moved across the country, others drifted away, some drift back and forth. I got a bit of money to start planning a life with. I walk with a cane. My town has been rebuilding itself. Hundreds lost their homes, and yet, I've heard some say that the tornado saved a drowning town--now many of the companies that had no work have work to do again.

Whether they're good or bad changes, they were changes nonetheless.

So, goodbye 2009. I really won't miss you that much. You gave me some tough love, and I'm not sure I've forgiven you for everything you've done. But you brought me some really good things, too. I extend a firm, curt handshake to you. Welcome 2010. I hope you bring twice the fortune, with none of the tragedy.

News, Good and Random

French the llama, is it only 4 (almost only 3) days until Christmas!!!??!!!??!?!?!

(For an explanation about the "french the llama" thing, visit this video. It's nothing bad, I promise.)

Okay, so, some good news.

Darling Dearest is doing great. She's gained significant movement back in her left side since last I saw her. She has a slight case of "word salad", which, in case you don't know, means that sometimes she gets the words she means confused with a different word. However, it's much better than it was when she first woke up.

On the down side, she's very, very angry, but that's also understandable. She hates relying on other people, so I totally expected her to be pissed off at the nurses and such when she can't do what she wants.

They're going to start physical therapy with her soon, and she'll probably really like that. She's been trying to crawl out of the bed for a while anyway.

I'm doing good, myself. I've upgraded from crutches to a walker, and hopefully I'll be upgraded to a cane before I head back to college. It'll be hard to get to room on the second floor with a walker.

My Christmas shopping is done, I believe. I just got the last thing today. It's a great present for my mom.

Also, I've been very interested at cryptograms. They're very interesting and fun...but I'm rubbish at them. So...hopefully I'll improve. Also, I'm trying my hand at crossword puzzles. I'm rubbish at those too.

I've found myself not writing like I should be. I'll want to, I'll get on the computer...and then start surfing the net instead. I've been trying to make myself. Gotta get that discipline ready for next year.

I participated in an amazingly awesome project a few days ago. John Green, YA author of Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, and Paper Towns, is also known for his video-blog project The Vlogbrothers, which he does with his environmentalist/musician brother Hank Green. They're both very funny, and both promote ideals that I hold very dear myself, including green technology, reducing your carbon footprint, and promoting to charities.

Every year the brothers Green head up a project -- which they have dubbed the Project for Awesome. It's a great project where all of their viewers (dubbed "nerdfighters") get together to take over YouTube. You make a video promoting a charity that you really like. Then everyone spams the crap out of the comment sections, rates the videos, and favorites them, so that most popular, most discussed, and most viewed pages are all Project for Awesome videos. This is meant to raise awareness about charities to the average YouTube viewer, instead of them watching videos about water-skiing squirrels.

I participated in it--a 48 hour event--and I am proud to say that not only were all but two of the videos on the most discussed page Project for Awesome videos, but on Twitter, Project for Awesome trended above everything, including the movie Avatar, which made it's debut during the project for Awesome. John Green's goal was to trump Avatar, because it cost $250,000,000 to make, and, as John said, the Project for Awesome is free.

Anyway, so that's what I did with my weekend. It was fantastic. I was very proud to do it. John also auctioned off a pair of what he called his "nerd glasses"--the proceeds went to charity. In addition he's donating $1000 to his favorite charity from the list.

On a tiny sidenote, should you want to help with a charity, but have no money to do so, go to freerice.com. There's a vocab quiz there, and for every question you get right, they donate rice to starving nations. Totally free, and totally helpful in "decreasing world-suck," as the Brothers Green put it.

Anyway, that's all I've got for right now. Tomorrow my brother will be putting up Christmas lights and our tree. I'll be there for moral support mostly. And then we're going to see Darling Dearest before coming back for Christmas Eve with mi familia. Then it's back up to the hospital the next day to spend Christmas with Darling Dearest--because we will have our first Christmas together, dammit!

I hope you and yours are having a very Merry Christmas, a very happy Hanuka, a very happy Kwanza, or whatever it is you celebrate. As long as you're a live and you've got people to celebrate with, then you've got the world.

Happy Holidays all and Best Wishes!

Some News

FIRST: Up until this post, I had 222 posts, which I just thought was awesome.

SECOND: I'm typing this post on my brand spanking new Sony Vaio laptop. I can feel the power radiating beneath the keys.

THIRD, AND THE BIGGEST AND GREATEST NEWS EVER: I'm engaged! I asked Darling Dearest to marry me, and she said yes!

The wedding won't be for a while, because I want to be graduated and have a job before we jump into marriage, but just the fact that we are now engaged is hugely amazingly awesome and I'm so super excited!!!

Story Updates

I didn't post it on here, but I sent in a short story to a fantasy/sci-fi magazine last month. Unfortunately, it was rejected. However, I'm not bummed. Not just because I'm keeping my chin up, I'm really really proud. Last time I mailed out any stories, on top of a lot of really, really dumb mistakes, they were all form rejections. This time, I received a more personal rejection. I'm not sure if it was just another form of form rejection or not, but it was addressed directly to me, and mentioned my story by name. Regardless, it was a different rejection than the one I received from the same magazine previously, possibly because it was from the Assistant editor? I'm not sure. I just know that any change is good, and I'm taking this as a plus. I'm gonna send it back out into the world come Monday and keep my fingers crossed.

Happy NaNoWriMo!

Today is November 3rd, which means that NaNoWriMo has begun. Even such writers as John Green knows that it exists, and I really wish I could partake this year. Someday...ah...someday.

Anyway, so I hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween weekend. I sure did. I went to a masquerade ball a couple of days before -- with a mask I made myself. It looked pretty damn good, too, if I say so myself. The best thing about it -- and really the best thing about being in college surrounded by fellow nerds -- was all the Star Wars themed costumes. At one point a Sith Lord and Luke Skywalker got into an epic lightsaber battle before Luke had disarmed the Sith Lord of his two lightsabers and thrust his lightsaber into the Sith Lord's chest. Ah...nerd-dom!

The only thing better than a Sci-Fi movie based costume is a literary nerd costume! Someone came dressed as the Ghost of Christmas Past!!! I wanted them to win the costume contest so bad, but the winner was someone who came dressed as an urban gangster...yawn.

Back to the Star Wars stuff, though. At one point, Luke walked up to a girl dressed in white and asked, "Are you Leah?" She responded with, "No. Padme." He responded, "Sweet." The flirting was pretty obvious, and I almost shouted "Incest! Incest!" but I didn't want to be that guy.

Halloween night I watched a couple of horror movies -- really good, cheesey ones, including Zombie Strippers (yes, that is a real movie, no, it's not a porn, and no, you shouldn't watch it if you're easily disturbed. I thought it was funny as hell, though.), and Trick or Treat (a movie featuring Ozzy Osbourne and Gene Simmons about the evil spirit of Rock, so you know it had to be freakin' funny) -- and played Apples to Apples with a couple of friends that came up from my hometown and Darling Dearest. She beat me...of course.

Now we have three gigantic bowls of candy and only me and my Dearest to eat it all. I wanted to give a lot away, and she almost strangled me for suggesting it.

So, it's after Halloween, and you know what that means...

WE GET TO FORGET THAT THANKSGIVING EXISTS AND JUMP STRAIGHT TO CHRISTMAS!!!!!

I may have already done most of my Christmas shopping... I love it that much. Darling Dearest will love her presents, and I really can't wait for all of my friends to get their gifts. I love giving gifts.

I also may be hinting heavily for several books in the near future (including the most recent addition to the Hitchhiker's Guide series).

Speaking of gifts, one of my good friends was nice enough to purchase the Rent movie soundtrack, a rare find indeed. I have yet to find it in any music store. My friend heard me lamenting about my lack of funds, and soon he was insisting to buy it for me. I am now a very happy fellow.

Sorry for the sporatic nature of this update. I've had many essays to write, many books to read, many poems to create, and not a lot of freetime. Hopefully things will slow down soon, although I doubt it. It's creeping up on the end of the semester, things will only get more hectic from here.

Anyway, good luck to those who decided to participate in NaNoWriMo. I'll be rooting you on from the sidelines.

A Little News on Goings-On and Musings on Plans for the Future

So, over the past few weeks, I've been procrastinating. I have (or rather, had) three essays to write (two now). One for Mythology, one for British Literature, and one for Women in Chinese History (due the day before yesterday). I did get the Chinese one in, but I have yet to start on the other two. This procrastination can be blamed on two things (besides laziness, which should be obvious).

Number the first: I have had an absurd amount of drama at my dorm. My girlfriend and I ran an amazing campaign for such short notice -- we were only told two days before the election that the election was coming up. Usually, we have two or three weeks, this time, we had only just signed up to run when it was already time for the election.

After some amazing campaign posters done by yours truly, and some good promises, which we intended to keep, we sat back and waited. I got the position I wanted -- Vice President. However, my girlfriend did not win President. Then, we discovered a series of fishy circumstances where ballot boxes may have been stuffed and the Resident Director may have rigged the results to put one of his friends in office instead. Regardless, we decided to stick it out. Until we saw the rest of the results of the election...or rather..the consequences.

The entire government was outrageously one-sided, with virtually every position filled by one of my Resident Director's friends. No matter what any of my fellow government members decided to do, it was vetoed instantly if my RD didn't like it. Beyond that, he began lying to us, making threats if we didn't do what he wanted, and doing things that were way beyond what power his position as RD is capable of.

I have taken steps to report him to the people in charge of all of the dorms, and I would like to start an anonymous letter writing campaign of complaints, but as of yesterday, I have also resigned my position. I refused to be berated by someone who was my equal in power and an underclassman and had no idea how the dorm community worked.

Number the Second: I might have stumbled upon one of the greatest things in the history of my entire life. A video blog on YouTube known as Brotherhood 2.0. They're known as the Vlogbrothers now, and they're fans are...Nerd Fighters. How cool is that?

I decided, one day, to start watching from the beginning up to now. I'm only about a quarter of the way through, I've already experienced so much with them -- new jobs, new books being published, having to move, the drama of your house almost being sold out from under you, and through it all, they greet these challenges with a great sense of humor.

Beyond that, though, they do more. They realized, after a few posts, how popular they were becoming, and not only set up a "scholarship to decrease world suck" which went to help one of their friends' family who died of cancer, but they also began donating money to help people in poverty stricken nations start up small businesses. They share many of the same causes I do, but they also differ from eachother enough to have actual, and interesting, discussions.

The thing that has me hooked the most? One of them is a literary aclaimed YA author. John Green, author of Paper Towns, An Abundance of Catherines, and Looking for Alaska.

The other, his brother, Hank Green, is a computer programmer, and a writer for magazines like Mental Floss.

It's so amazing, because to see they interact with the world, their jobs, their wives, life...it makes me think about how I'm going to be when I'm they're age.

I will turn 21 in April, and then I really will be a man. I will have earned every right that you can earn in this country with the exception of lower car insurance, which won't kick in until I turn 25. Anyway, I digress. I'm in my Junior year of college. I've taken the Praxis I already. I aced it. I'm that much closer to becoming a teacher. I'll be graduating in a couple of years, and it scared the bejeezers out of me.

I haven't told my mother this yet, because we're a very, very close family, but I'm thinking about moving out this summer as well. I've been looking at apartments. I've been calculating my budget, based on what I'll earn over the summer, my refund check when I return that fall for school, and other things. I've also been looking at where I want to settle down and spend my life. I would like to move to Chicago and experience the Big City Life for a couple of years. I'd like to get an apartment and a teaching job and just teach for a couple of years, and then move to a 'burb somewhere and get started on the rest of my life. I want to go to England sometime before I settle down so I can say I've been to Europe at least once, and I'd like to get married somewhere in there too.

It's very interesting, but I feel like I'm staring at my own mortality. Planning out these steps for what will begin the real beginning of my life -- and not the safe "Real Life" that college creates, but the real Real Life that comes when you've achieved your goal of having a career and now you're stuck with it for the rest of your life.

I think part of the reason this has been on my mind is because those guys, specifically John Green, are how I want to be when I "grow up." He's a full time writer, he's married, he has a few odd hobbies that keeps him busy, and he's also very worldly, intelligent, well-read, etc. His life is pretty much the goals I've been setting for myself since I was in high school. And seeing someone living the dream -- my dream -- has sort of re-focused me on my dream.

Yesterday, I was looking up cities I might want to think about moving to either after I leave Chicago or if Chicago doesn't work out. I found it. It's amazing. It's everything I want in my future town -- MUCH bigger than my home town, and actually even bigger than my college town. It's cold, it'll get lots of snow, it's not too big, either. It'll be a good break from the city life. It's also really close to some cities that will keep me entertained on the weekends. It's basically my dream place.

And between shopping for apartments for the near future and looking at houses for the somewhat more distant future, I've been so excited I can't sit still. I've also been so scared I've had a hard time going to sleep. It's what I want to do with my life, and really look forward to it, but leaving my family and striking out on my own is...mind-boggling, terrifying, and foreign.

Anyway, enough rambling. I just had stuff I needed to muse on for a bit.

College Update: What happened to my life?

Let me lay out what I've been up to:

Chinese History Reading
Girlfriend Time
Brit Lit Reading
Poetry Writing
Girlfriend Time
Mythology Reading
Girlfriend Time.

You can see where my priorities lie, right? Heh heh. I've blown a lot of money so far -- way more than I intended. I'm a little worried, but most of the money was necessary stuff -- like clothes, since a lot of mine have destroyed themselves.

But, Hastings was having a sale recently, and I love books, so I checked in. My newest purchases make me really happy:

Odd Thomas in hardcover.
Forever Odd in hardcover.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in hardcover
Stephen King's Bag of Bones in hardcover.
Thomas Harris' Red Dragon in hardcover.
Einstein in hardcover.
The Tale of Despereaux in hardcover.
Schindler's List in paperback.
And the screenplay for Sleepy Hollow (that one was for my girlfriend).

Also, from one of our good friends, my girlfriend got Russell Brand's Booky Wook for her birthday. So I'll borrowing that as soon as she's done.

The one I'm most excited to read out of all of these...besides the Booky Wook? Einstein. He's such a fascinating character. But first, Chinese history, Brit Lit, and Mythology await!

Walking On Cloud Nine...Er...Driving

I don't believe I've mentioned it much on the blog, but my car is...a junker. It's a pretty good car for what it is -- a '90 Chevy Caprice Classic. It was nice in its day, and it still has the remnants of a nice car on it. It was great back in 2004 when I got it, but I've driven hundreds of miles every other week for two years. That does some work on a car. It has a problem with accelerating sometimes, two of the doors are broken, it's just got a huge scratch on the side from my fridge, one of the side mirrors hasn't worked since I got it.

Despite all that...it was a very good car.

However, every car has a time when they're getting past their time. Granted, any car can be repaired, but I don't have the money. I need to give it to someone who can. And in the meantime, I need something to drive. Something smaller, faster, that gets much better gas mileage.

I went shopping around, skeptical about even being able to get a car (I was unsure that I could access my inheritance yet, which has been tied up in court and legal stuff.)

I found a car that I liked that wasn't ridiculously expensive, and so I checked it out. It was a great deal -- great gas mileage, very few miles on it, low price, great shape. So a quick call to my lawyer revealed that I can in fact, get a little of my money if it's for a car.

So, I am now the proud owner of a 2005 Honda Civic.

And I think it looks very snazzy. Really a great buy. Runs like a dream. And when I went to the gas pump, I put $20 in it...and almost filled it up completely. I grinned ear to ear, the whole way home.

P.S., As if to throw out one last "Eff you!" to me, when I got home to get my checkbook to buy my new car, I got back in to discover that now it won't start at all. It won't even chug like it wants to. I had to get my brother to take me so that I could buy my replacement car. Irony, eh?

Sore, Sick, and Satisfied

Being home for the summer opens up a lot of problems. I don't have as much money, if any is left, and so it eventually becomes needed that I get a job. Unfortunately, my experience with jobs has been pretty poor. Fast food restaurants are really terrible places, and I couldn't bring myself to work at another. I was desperate to find a job other than a fast food restaurant.

However, as I mentioned before, my town was hit by a tornado a few months ago. Jobs have become scarce, since many of the places that you could have worked are now piles of rubble. Just because the jobs are gone, doesn't mean the bills stop coming, though, and I had a nasty sized car insurance bill coming my way. My mom was very insistent that I find a job since I didn't have any leftovers from my refund check this time -- I spent down to the wire, mostly on emergencies that kept popping up.

As my flexing room got smaller and smaller, and the ideal places to work -- where I can score a more desirable, and cleaner, job as a cashier or stockboy -- hiring fewer people, I could practically see the fast food employers rubbing their knobby hands together and getting the human parchment contract ready. (For those who don't know, I claim to this day that the last fast food place I went to work made me sign a human skin contract in my own blood.)

Just when things started getting desperate, my family reunion rolled around. These things always mean two things: 1) A whole bunch of people will pack into one very hot place, and 2) There will be much smiling and greeting and idle chatter until they eventually cluster off into little cliques like some kind of bizarre high school. I'm always hesitant to go to these things because I only know a handful of people really well, the rest are just acquaintances I see every year. To make matters worse, I was talked into doing a skit for them this year. God bless my girlfriend, she spent the whole hour before I was supposed to go on doing her best to pump up my ego enough to get me on stage -- I think mostly it was so she could laugh at me.

Anyway, I digress. I did the skit, and then I started talking to my aunt. She's an awesome lady who I love dearly. I mentioned that I was getting desperate for a job, and she mentioned needing help at the daycare she's running at her church. Of course, I'm thrilled to find this out. True, kids are a handful, but it's so much less stressful than a fast food place. I was ecstatic. I love kids, my girlfriend says I'm nothing but an oversized kid anyway, so I couldn't wait to get started.

Now I'm sore all over. I haven't been this tired in a long time. And to top it all off, it's only a week in, and I already caught a cold from one of the little...darlings...despite all this, I'm amazed at how smart these kids are, and at how creative they are, and as long as they have someone to mediate things, how well they get along.

Needless to say, I'm very pleased with how things turned out.

Fear

Fear. Writers try to ensnare it in words all the time. It's our job to try to find those words that will make readers' hearts race, their palms sweat, and their hairs stick up on the back of their necks. An entire genre was created for those who couldn't get enough of the heeby jeebies, and even if you don't read horror, every writer uses the tool of fear at some point or another because every character has fears, desires, goals, and the like.

I thought I knew fear. I've experienced some terrifying things before. When I was six, I fell into the adult deep end of a very large hotel swimming pool. I was terrified that I was going to die, and if one of my family hadn't seen me fall in and dove in to get me, I may have.

When I was 12 or 13 I was hiking with my dad one day and fell off the trail and off the mountain. The only things that stopped me from rolling and crashing to the bottom was a patch of briars that I bounced into.

A couple of years later, when I was hiking with my step brother on a camping trip, we became surrounded by coyotes.

However, I never really knew fear until a few months ago. I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. We weren't quite dating yet -- we were in that awkward "basically dating, but still not official" stage, when suddenly she told me that she was watching the news, and some pretty big storms were brewing. I was at college, so I was more concerned with her, but she was more concerned about the ones brewing near me. As I spoke to her, I was slightly concerned, but nothing more than the typical, "Man, I hope the storms don't get too bad."

Well, is the storm progressed, she was placed under a severe storm warning, and then a tornado watch. I became a little more apprehensive, but tried not to let it get to me. My dad died about a year ago from tornadoes, so I have a new found respect for their power. I know what they can do -- I saw his solid oak and stone log house. It was gone except the foundation.

As I continued to talk to her, the "watch" progressed into a "warning." Then, she told the sirens went off. My heart leaped into my chest. She had to go into their shop so that she could be away from windows. She lived in a mobile home...this could end badly.

I had two things come to my mind. I had to talk to her, because she was crying and hysterical and her mom was rocking back and forth in the floor praying and frantic, but I also worried for my family, because my mom and brother were in the same town. However, my mom could console my brother, and my girlfriend had no one, so I talked to her.

Now, I've been terrified, before, but I knew nothing of real terror until this moment. Nothing has ever made my heart stop more suddenly, or my blood run colder than these words: "I can see it."

In those four words, I felt my entire life go away. More than that, I felt my sanity break down. My mind shattered. I stopped breathing, my legs gave out, and the only thing holding me up was the fact that I was leaning against my bed. I was silent, speechless, and in complete and total shock. I finally came back to my senses when my girlfriend said in a fragil, tiny voice, "If you could say something to talk me through this, that would be great, because I'm kinda scared right now."

I was instantly talking. I told her everything would be alright, I told her that nothing was going to happen, she would be fine. I told her all these things, but I didn't believe a word of it. I had an empty feeling in my soul. I could feel a blackness hanging around me, and I felt hopeless as I was witness to everything I loved being torn from me.

After a few minutes of talking, it was over, and my girlfriend got in her mom's car, and her and her mom went to go check on a few things. She heard word from her mom, who was on her cellphone, that the tornado hit the court house, which is just a few blocks from my family's house.

I immediately began calling my family. I couldn't get a hold of anyone. My mom's line was dead, my grandmother's line was dead, and when I tried to call back my girlfriend, I couldn't get through to her either. I was completely and utterly cut off from everyone I loved.

As the minutes dragged on, each second counting off a thousand years, I became convinced that everyone I loved was dead. My stomach twisted into knots, I doubled over, and I cried. I cried with everything I had. As tears streamed down my face, I looked up at the sky and begged God to let everyone be okay.

For 30 minutes, the longest 30 minutes of my life, I called the same 5 numbers over and over again: my mom's cellphone, my house phone, my grandparents house phone, my brother's cellphone, and my girlfriend's cellphone.

Finally, I got a hold of my girlfriend, and while I was relieved, I wasn't consoled. I still hadn't heard from my family.

Just when I was about to go into a full hysteria, with my girlfriend doing her best to console me, I heard my phone beep. My mom's cell. Like a flash, I switched lines, ecstatic to hear from them. Not only were they okay, but there was no damage done to our house. The tornado hit, literally, 2 blocks away, and went in the other direction.

I missed my college classes that day and went home for the weekend early. My town was decimated. Hundreds lost their houses, and a good portion of the town was just gone. It will never be the same again. I could see signs of the damage a couple of miles before I even got there.

The first place I went was to my girlfriend's house. It was then and there that I told her it was ridiculous of us to try to fight it, that I cared about her more than I've cared about anybody in a long time, and that I wanted her to be my girlfriend. Obviously, she accepted.

Next, I went to my grandparents house, because all the roads leading to my house were damaged or covered with debris so badly that no one could get through. I met up with my grandparents, and then found a tiny back road that I used to sneak past the cops and the National Guard and went home, and hugged my mom and my brother, and then we went to go see how my aunt fared the storm, all the while, my girlfriend and I called friends to make sure they were okay.

I'm so glad that everyone I cared about not only is totally okay, but none of them suffered any damage to their homes.I've never really understood fear, but after that night, I know it. I've seen it's face. I almost lost everything I love. I'll never take my family for granted again.

The Triumphant Return of Write Cassidy and the Grammar Kid

Long time no see...

I refuse to feel guilty about disappearing, ha ha. Life came like a train and smacked the crap out of me. My school load piled up insanely high, and the by April the countdown Doomsday clock ticking into May was so loud I could feel the vibrations each tock sent crashing through the air in my bones. I had an insane amount of work to do by the end of the school year, including wrapping up 30 illustrations for my Edgar Allan Poe class, a 7 page paper for the Poe class, finishing up my observations for my secondary education class, and finishing my portfolio for my creative writing class. I think I'll post some of the stuff I wrote from that class and maybe some of the illustrations from Poe eventually, but it might be a while. My printer/scanner is in storage right now.

The thing keeping my writing bug alive by the end of the year was my creative writing class. Thankfully I'm taking Poetry Workshop next semester. It should be pretty interesting.

As events go, the biggest thing in my life is that I have a girlfriend now. It was a quick courting. We only met in January, but we're already insanely comfortable with each other. So, needless to say, I've been really happy.

In other news, my birthday was April 1st, just like it is every year. I'm 20. I'm no longer a teenager anymore. My girlfriend makes fun of me for it all the time, calling me "Grampa" and such, because she's younger than me and still technically a teenager. But she may not realize it, but I'll get her back, because I plan on giving her hell when she turns 20.

So with my school work keeping me busy, then family problems, and my new girlfriend, I've been really busy. But I also am starting to notice things slowing down some.

Unfortunately, I was not wise with my funds over the last semester, and I'm so broke I can't afford to pay attention (bah dum tish!). So...I'm going to have to find a job. If at all possible, I would like to avoid a job in the food industry -- particularly food of the fast persuasion -- because every one of those jobs that I've had has been hell. I would like to enjoy my summer, rather than come home and consider opening a vein or two. An ideal job would either be working with kids, or working as a cashier or stocker at a super market, or a check out person at a movie rental store or something. A low stress job is what I want. But then again, wouldn't we all.

Well, catch up post over, just realized that I haven't been on here in forever.

Oh, P.S. more sad news, I planned on going to a concert to see a rock band I really like -- Forever the Sickest Kids. Guess what? Apparently, the lead guitarist got the Swine Flu! Hopefully he'll get better and I can go see them some other time.

Anyway, it's late, I'm tired, so I think I'm gonna head to bed. Write On!

Still Alive

I'm still alive, ha ha, just up to my eyeballs in school work. The move was successful, and I'm much happier than I was. Hopefully my school load will lighten in the near future, but Edgar Allan Poe and Modern American Lit look like they want to team up to kick my butt.

Moving

Things might be a little scarce around here for a week. I'm transferring dorms. I'll keep you posted.