Monday, June 22, 2009

Revenge of Lobster Man

How did I get here again? I'd like to say that I made some kind of horrible mistake, and I'm reaping the consequences of my actions, but that wouldn't be true. This is one time where I am not to blame for the misfortune that has befallen me, it is simply sorrow delivered straight from the Universe.

No, I didn't perform scientific experiments revolving around the genetics of lobsters and humans resulting in a super powered lobster man to rampage through my lab and nearby town in a furious rage on a quest to understand his origins. That would be way more interesting.

Thursday was my day off. To celebrate my day off, my friends and I -- and My Darling Dearest -- packed up and headed off to a swimming hole that we know of. It took a while to get there. My brother, who came along, thought we were fooling him when we told him you had to climb rocks to get there. We weren't. We were actually underplaying it a bit. It's a pretty hard hike to get to this swimming hole -- over enormous rocks cliffs.

Once there, I put on enough sunblock to fill the ozone layer and protect the Earth for the next 30,000 years. Then I went swimming. Then we ate lunch. Then I put on even more sunblock. I was literally dripping with it at one point, and I asked my girlfriend to aid me in the quest of rubbing it all in. We're both significantly Irish, so we burn easily. We knew the dangers.

Anyway, by the end of the day, which had resulted in about five hours of swimming, we headed back. It was hot. So hot, as a matter of fact, we all almost passed out. My face started going numb, so we all got back in the water -- a different spot, since we were on the hike on the way home -- to drop our body temperature some. By the time we got back, we were all thankful to be alive.

However, since then I have learned of the price I paid for my desire to continue shuffling along on this mortal coil. My ears, face, and back are sunburned raw, and my shoulders are so sunburned I have hundreds of blisters popping up. It hurts to move, and shirts are things worn only in the most dire of situations. Nobody else got it that but, just me and Oh Dearest One. She got it just as bad as I did.

I missed work Friday because it was so bad, and while it's improved since then, I'm not looking forward to going back to work today just so I can see the little tykes and have them slap me on my burns. By the way, it's "Wet and Wild" themed week at work...yippee dee. I get to be outside in the baking hot sun for hours on end. And I have to go to a water theme park on Wednesday with the kids. Even more time spent outside...

As if that wasn't bad enough, I got a TB test on Monday. On Wednesday, I was supposed to have it checked, but my boss left for the day and left me in charge, so i couldn't leave. So now I have to start all over!! I hate needles, and now I have to do it again...and then again b/c if you haven't had a TB test in 2 years, they make you take two...

Wake me up when this week is over, okay?


Alyssa Goodnight said...

Yikes! That sunburn sounds truly heinous. Did you make sure to dry off completely before you reapplied?? Maybe it was the whole 'wait 30 minutes for it to take effect'.

Does sunblock expire?

Slick on some aloe vera gel--it helps!

Jason said...

Yeah, I made sure to dry off completely before reapplying. I guess it was not waiting the whole time for the sunscreen to take effect, and the fact that it expired, although I didn't think that really mattered. I guess I learned.

I've been carrying Aloe Vera gel around like it's a flask. And I make sure to goop enough on so it doesn't hurt when I rub it in. Hopefully, in a few days, it'll be better. Until then, I'll just endure, ha ha.

Barrie said...

I'm glad to learn about the expiration thing. I have a couple of really fair kids and have to slather them with sunscreen. Sorry for you pain. Sunburns are horrible.

PJ Hoover said...

Wow, I havent' had a TB test is decades :)

Jason said...

The sunburn doesn't really hurt anymore. I've just evolved from Lobster Man into Snake Man. of the nurses was extremely condescending. You'd think that they would deal with someone with a strong fear of needles with compassion. Instead she just rolled her eyes and plowed through the procedure. Also, the last time I got it done, the needle was three times longer than this time, ha ha.