Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Halloween Adventures

Halloween has finally gone, and I've got a ton of candy. I met my friends and we cruised the town, trick or treating here or there, but mostly just messing around and being stupid. I went as a pirate, one of my friends went as a belly dancer, and one as his own creation we dubbed "pimpin' stein."
Eventually we went to a haunted house. They probably wished that I hadn't come now. At first, when we walked up, I told my friends, the belly dancer, if she'd catch me if I got scared. I'm like a foot taller than her. She was like, "Yeah, sure." So we finally went in. We were led into the first room and shown two jars, one with a hand, and one with assorted body parts--eyes, tongues, noses, finger, etc. Then, this dude in a Leatherface mask came up and asked us for our eyes. I offered mine, stating they weren't working well for me anyway.
The next room was a wedding. The bride and groom were long dead, and there were things crawling around. I hummed the wedding march.
In the next room, there was an impressivly creepy clown standing there. I spun around and shouted BOOO!! He didn't flinch. I was disappointed. Then, he attacked the bellydancer. She screamed, I laughed. Hard. She kicked me. I still have the bruise. No matter what anyone tells you, silver, sparkly shoes can leave marks.
Then we were lead down a pitch black hallway and put in this tiny, claustrophobia inducing room with a door to the left. I was told to use the handle. Being as I'm more suspicious than the U.S. government during the 50's, I pulled my sword out and slapped the door open. My friend pointed out that the handle turned out to be a hand. And the doctors say I'm paranoid.
Then, we were led into a room where a headless man sat on a bench. I passed by. He petted his weird little Igor pet and scared the belly dancer.
Then we were led into a room with a man who had plates of blood and bugs on the table. He raised on of those silvery platter things and revealed a human head. I sat down at the table and tried to eat the bugs. They wouldn't let me. Then I asked the head, "If I stick my fingers up your nose, would you be mad." She glared at me.
Then we were led into a graveyard, the only way out of the haunted house...of course. Along the way, we saw a little zombie eating a man's head. It looked like they were making out. I said, "Aww, they're in love" and started singing 'Love is in the Air.' She looked up and started after me. I offered to sword fight with her. We kept walking and she started following us. My other friend threatened her with his pimp cane.
I bet they were glad to be rid of us.
We got a lot of candy and I was wired when I came home. Although, my beard was badly smeared because at one point, I got a runny nose and kept forgetting that I was wearing makeup.
We had a blast. And when I came home and saw the monster crawling out from under my bed, we shared the candy and started singing "Halloween Carols", such as "Hark how the Howls (to the tune of Hark how the Bells)," "The Little Monster Boy (to the tune of the Little Drummer Boy)," "Slimy the Goo-man (to the tune of Frosty the Snowman)," and lots more. Then, when he got a stomach ache from too much candy, I offered him some Pepto Bismol and did the dance from the commercials for his entertainment. He went back under the bed, burping in peppermint scent. Then I went to sleep.
I hope your Halloween was as good as mine.


Nellie Hardenbrook said...

I've been meaning to comment on this when I first read it, but I was too busy.

You're hilarious! And that's so cool that you got to go to a haunted house! I've never been.
You remind me of a friend of mine. He's really random and jokes a lot as well, and probably would play along with you in that haunted house...if you get what I mean...I don't mean anything bad by using 'play along'.

*comment originally posted: Nov 5, 2006, 10:02 PM

Jason R. said...

All of it except the monster under my bed was true.

And the Halloween carols, although I didn't sing them to a monster, were real too. I told my friends next year, instead of trick or treating, we should go Door-to-Door Halloween Caroling. Then I started improving carols in the Suburban while we looked for houses.

*comment originally posted: Nov 5, 2006, 11:25 PM

Nellie Hardenbrook said...

Amazing! You could start an anual tradition with that!

*comment originally posted: Nov 7, 2006, 4:24 PM

Jason R. said...

Hey, that's a pretty good idea!

*comment originally posted: Nov 8, 2006, 3:50 PM