Monday, January 14, 2008

What Kind Of People Do I Attract?*

* Everything I'm about to tell you is 100% true. I didn't make any of these stories up.

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One of my friends recently sent me a quiz: "What Kind of People Do You Attract?" I took it two different times and got two different answers. Apparently I attract Geeks and Yuppies, depending on my mood. I'm fine with attracting Geeks. Geeks are awesome. Yuppies . . . I don't know. Well, from what I've seen today, I'm starting to wonder if I don't attract nutjobs as well.

At lunch today, I had a choice of cheese covered mush, hamburgers floating a yellowish, bubbly liquid, a hot dog shaped something, or pizza. So, fearing for my stomach, I went into the pizza line.

Because my friends and I were there earlier than usual, the lunchroom was more crowded than we were used to. I sighed inwardly when some muscle bound shmuck in a backwards cap and a striped shirt took the last piece of any of the pizza. That meant I'd have to wait in line for more, but, considering the alternative, it wasn't that bad.

While I was standing there with my hands in my pockets, waiting on the people to bring out some pizza, I had a total stranger walk up to me. He looked at me and frowned with concern. I was concerned too -- when someone you don't know is concerned about you, you should probably be concerned too. Then, he told me, "I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid Buddha wants to steal your soul."

My first reaction was WTF?, but I've had experience with crazy people before** and I didn't want to offend the looney, so I responded with, "Thanks for the warning."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. I had encouraged him. He moved out of his line (the sandwich/hamburger line) and stood next to me and replied, "I only warn you because...he's Buddha! You don't know what he can do!"

Fearing that this person might take my polite response as an invitation for friendship, I replied "Yeah, man. Thanks. I'll keep my eye out."

Thankfully, that's all he needed to hear, because he nodded and wandered back into his own line talking to someone he knew -- or maybe some other poor chap -- saying, "Yeah, it's all a big conspiracy theory."

That was really the only eventful thing that happened today, but it was enough to make me wonder.

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** A guy I used to work with at my old job told me all kinds of stories -- he had buried treasure, his house being built on an indian burial ground (and that meant his house was haunted by the angered souls), he had fought demons, etc. One of his most memorable stories was when he told me his hand was possesed by a demon, and the only way he could exorcise it was to slice it open . . . luckily an angel healed it or he would have bled to death. On a side note, I was very happy to quit that job.

6 comments:

PJ Hoover said...

Can I use this in my next book :)
Just kidding, but seriously, this is what stories are bred from!

Jason said...

I didn't look at it that way before...but that might have been because I feared for my life, lol.

S.M.D. said...

The good news is you can use all this lovely time with crazy people to help you write good stories :P

MerylF said...

Fabulous :D Where do they come from?

Barrie said...

I think you handled this perfectly!

Jason said...

S.M.D. -- that's true. Sometimes I wonder if I could write stories to rival Dean Koontz.

merylf -- I don't know, but I think I draw them out of the woodwork like a magnet. :p

barrie -- Thanks. I just try to be polite. When I knew the other guy at the place I used to work, I was always the nicest one to him. He thought I believed him, which was cool with me. Like Dane Cook said, you want him to remember that when he goes postal. :D