Friday, May 18, 2007

Happy Graduation to Me

Today is the day I graduate. I should be asleep, but I'm nervous, really nervous. Today is the day I get the preverbial foot in the keister and sent out into the real world. Pretty soon I'll be moving out of my house that I've known as home since kindergarten and forced to live with some stranger in a town that I've only spent a total of 8 hours in in my whole life.
I can just imagine how the first day will be:
I try to drive up to the town, but become so sleepy in the two hour drive that I miss the one important turn and become hopelessly lost. I'll have to call my mother on my cell phone describing the flat landscape, the horrible smell of cow poop, and the cock-eyed stare of the local man who runs the "Hand-made knives" stand on the side of the road.
Once I finally make it to town, I'm late for Freshmen Orientation, and cause a big commotion arriving with no place to put my luggage as I missed my dorm assignment and am having to drag all my luggage with me on the detailed tour of the campus that I cannot miss or I will be come hopelessly lost and miss all my classes for the first week. After I finally find out where my dorm is, I have to trek across the entire campus to find it, enter the all-girls dorm by mistake, almost get kicked out for "peeping", and finally arrive at the right dorm hall and the right room.
After I open the door to my room, I see that my room mate has more piercings than the guy from Hell Raiser, has painted is half of the room solid black, and is currently giving himself a tattoo while listening to some rocker group that screeches so loudly and so incoherently they've reverted back to primal speech. He'll ask me what my name is, and about what time I think I'll be going to bed.
Then obviously, I'll learn that my problem isn't my creepy roommate--who likes to sharpen knives and laughs at all the gory parts of Saw--but the guy next door who looks like he's 35, is built like a professional wrestler and doesn't like "quiet, brainy guys." I, surprising myself, the professional wrestler in training, and every person I've ever known ever, spit out a snide comment about how I don't like steroid using, inbred, hilbillies....
when I come to...
You know what, I better stop now. I don't want to jinx myself.
Happy Graduation to me.

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